Boobs and Dicks

16 06 2015

Sex has fascinated me from a very young age.

When I was a kid, growing up in the 70’s, boobs were everywhere, they were in movies, tv shows, newspapers too. My Dad was a delivery man who delivered conveyor belts for local factory, and whenever I walked into an office, I was often confronted with women with huge norgs staring back at me.

I think because of that, because nothing was hidden, boobs were just normal.
So when I saw Women breast feeding, well, that’s what breasts were for.

But now we have a society where breasts are hidden from view and highly sexualised, their display has devolved into an ugly taboo, which has made things worse for everyone, especially Mothers with Babies.

So with this rational view of breasts that I had, I suppose they didn’t titillate me, as much as other blokes, so I had to find other options.

Where were the vaginas? and where were… where were Men?

Not that I could ask at the time, or I’d invoke the “What are Ya, a poofta?”

I really wanted to know more about My bits being an owner and potential operator of those parts.

Once, at Sex Education, I asked the teacher about male bits, and was brushed off with “It’s all too simple”, Well that’s fine, but I haven’t got a womb, I won’t be menstruating… and probably won’t be breeding. (a lot of factors there, marriage never appealed to me, I sadly heard a lot of domestic rows over the years)

Years later, I began to hear Men talking about their parts, and how they thought everything functioned. Their explanations were often colourful, fantastical and wrong.

Balls were some kind of bladder which fill up with cum and everything shoots out from there, um… no.

There’s a sort of bladder between your legs where it’s all stored up… no.

Perhaps they were as frustrated as I was, perhaps they wanted to know too?

So I began to read various items on male equipment to try and get a truthful handle on how it all works, even now I’m not completely sure if I’ve got it right, but I can research thanks to the wonders of the Internet.

So my understanding, and if I’m wrong, please correct me, goes a bit like this.

Men tend to imagine that Semen or Cum, is a singular fluid, like urine, it’s an easy assumption, but wrong.

In fact, it’s more like a milkshake, in which you add milk, flavouring, ice-cream, and shake like mad.

What we call pre-cum comes from two little glands not far from the base of the penis, called the Bulbourethral glands or Cowper’s glands, they are about pea sized.
Pre-ejaculate appears on the head of the penis after an erection or two, and looks like clear fluid which is slightly viscous (thick) like honey.

The fluid acts as a lube, making everything just a bit more comfortable during sex, isn’t nature clever?

Other species have the same glands, but some animals have much larger ones and the fluid is much more copious.

Early on, Catholics suggested a thing where you get off the train before it pulls into the last station… or pulling out before ejaculation. The trouble with that is that sperm are everywhere, EVERWHERE! (Well almost) While born in the testicles, sperm tend to swim off to any old place once they’re out. so lots of babies were born as a result of the mis-conception (see what I did there?) that sperm were only released after ejaculation.

Did you know a thousand sperm cells can fit on the head of a pin? It’s true. Sperm cells are the tiniest cell that the body produces. The egg is the largest.

Then further along, but right next to the Cowper’s gland is the Prostate.

This is one part of our anatomy that many Men have heard of, but are not always sure of what it is, or does.

When My Dad developed Prostate trouble, and needed to have it checked, there was some confusion. Both Parents had heard of it, but didn’t understand what it was for.

I think Gay men would be far more familiar with it than most straight Men, and that’s a shame. It has been called the male g-spot, and many new types of vibrators have been developed to help stimulate it. And no, you don’t have to be gay to get a vibe.

The Prostate acts as a junction, keeping urine and semen separate.

The Prostate itself is rather like a horn on a bike, when you squeeze the rubber ball, the horn honks, and when you ejaculate, you’re honking your horn, but instead of air coming out with a loud honk, which would be weird and inconvenient (“Dora, It seems our Son has finally discovered himself”) a fluid comes out.

You may have realised that ejaculation is like a sneeze, sniffing a cloud of pepper while cooking irritates your nose and your body reacts by sneezing. It’s not something that you can just do whenever you like, your nose must be stimulated to get there, and the penis also needs stimulation before you can ejaculate.

Although a very realistic dream will have a similar effect.

Behind the Prostate are the two Seminal Vesicles, and this is where the “Ice-Cream” is produced and stored if you’re using the milkshake analogy.

During ejaculation, it is released into the prostate, is mixed with the other fluids and pumped out.

It is thought that the white, sticky fluid de-acidifies the vagina, which helps the sperm survive, and also blocks the vagina up, so that a second male would have a more difficult time getting the Woman Pregnant… something that may be of less importance now, but was a big thing during caveman days.

It is also thought that one reason the penis has evolved into the shape it is, is to squeegee fluid from the vagina that the first caveman has left behind.

Ahh the good old days.

Behind the Seminal Vesicles is the Vas Deferens, a couple of tubes which lead to the testicles, and are often full of sperm.

These are cut and tied during a vasectomy, a quick operation to prevent Fatherhood.

As you can probably tell from my description so far, the other parts of the anatomy are before this point, so if you were to have a vasectomy, it would only stop a small amount of fluid, containing your sperm, from being released, you still have all the rest of the milkshake, and shouldn’t notice any difference in your ejaculation.

When you ejaculate, muscles along the Vas Deferens, squeeze and propel the sperm upwards, could it be the flavoring of our milkshake? there’s not much of it, but it is important.

Next is the Epididymus, a tube which is very narrow and coiled up on the side of each testicle. Stretched out fully, it could be up to seven meters long, and is where young sperm, born in the testicles, grow up. I suppose you could think of it like kids entering kindergarten, and entering the vas deferens after high-school.

Then our Testicles.

These are not bladders, but quite meaty, if you were to cut one open, don’t, you will find that they are very solid on the inside.

If you’ve prepared Bulls testicles for dinner, you would most likely have seen what they look like, but you’d be braver than me, I’ll pass.

The testicles produce both sperm and the male hormone, testosterone, which makes us all macho and hairy.

One mystery remains, what gives us that sense of fullness that we feel when we have a lot of semen?

We tend to think we feel it in our testicles, every few days, is it the Epididymus?, The Vas Deferens?, or the Seminal Vesicles?. Perhaps it’s all three. Does the feeling of “being horny” come from this fullness, or does feeling horny produce more semen?

An emotional trigger is likely, much like how we drool if we think of sucking a lemon, give it a try now.

My Mother, who grew up with family who were in the Salvation Army, said that kids would suck lemons in front of a Salvation Army band… causing them to drool and falter while playing their music.

It’s no wonder I turned out the way I did.

In Sex Education we are told that semen will just be re-absorbed if we don’t use it, and while that might be true in theory, most of us know that if we don’t ejaculate within three days (usually) we’re “climbing the walls” as any teenage boy will know who has attempted to hold on for a week… we’ve all tried that one.

Also, here’s an odd thing about the penis, all animals have different styles of penis, which do much the same job, but have evolved in very different ways. Most animals have a bone in their penis, dogs and racoons have bones, but horses and humans lack them, It’s probably a good thing, as bones can, and do break… However a Man can snap his penis when erect, so proceed carefully.

I hope I’ve cleared a few things up, and perhaps busted a few myths.

Wolfie Rankin.





Cancer

12 06 2013

Whenever a person who has had cancer in the past, gets sick again, they wonder if it has returned.

There have been several instances I know of where the rotten thing has come back to haunt someone.

I remember waiting for my radiation treatment, dressed in a white gown, with an older man who had been through this twice, prostate cancer for him, bowel for me.

He seemed happy enough to deal with it, because that’s what you do, just deal with it, you go into the room and have your rear end microwaved for a few seconds, then go home, and it’s only then that you feel any effects.

I often wonder about the people in the chemo ward, or the radiotherapy clinic and I very much hope they survived.

They told me in 2005 that if the cancer didn’t return in about ten years, that they’d call it a cure, well here I am in 2013 and so far nothing of note has happened.

Different cancers stole my family away, but somehow I survived, but when I’m sick, like now, I wonder, is it just some sort of flu or is it back?

I’ll see the doc tomorrow.





Up yer clacker!

10 03 2013

I was reading a set of live tweets from a man who went to hospital to have a still vibrating dildo removed from his nether end.

The nurse said that there was another patient in there with the same problem.

Apparently hospitals spend a lot of time pulling things out of bottoms.

And it’s probably because of all the silence… people want to stick things up their bottoms, but their not sure how to go about it or what to use.

Someone from a hospital somewhere really ought to make a statement, or the gay community (not that a man needs to be gay to use a dildo), but it might be helpful, I mean the first person you’d ask would be a gay friend.

Maybe there should be a place where you can go to learn how to use a dildo, and perhaps you could get a licence to use one?

Perhaps you could be fined for using a dildo incorrectly?

Dildoing with intent?

Dildoing without a seat belt?

Dildoing with an object unapproved for stimulation by the Government?

All jokes aside, it’s a problem… doctors who could be helping the sick are pulling things from bottoms, and it may not have happened if there was more casual instruction?

Wolfie!

That story





Good Wolves Do! – Part II, The Second Coming.

7 01 2013

Now, If you’ve read the first part, you know what this is all about. If not, there’s Naughty Bits as Kenny Everett used to say, so don’t say you weren’t warned.

I also have a serious thought for Men to consider, which I’ll write about a bit later.

Part of me was egging on another part of me to try the Naughty Boy out again, but the conservative part of me (yes I have one) was saying things like “It’s a bit scary and weird, and I’m not sure that we should be doing it” while the other bit was “C’mon maaaan, it’s like, cool and shit, it’s 2013, shouldn’t we be, like, you know, over the *wriggles fingers* shrouded homophobia?”

Yeah, and you know, sometimes I think that’s what a big chunk of homophobia is, the male body being far too taboo to discuss… I mean periods, lactation, ovulation etc is fine to discuss openly, but mention ejaculation and there’s a gasp.

So I gave in to my animal desires, or to put it more accurately, I thought I’d have another shot.

Got into bed, condom on the doo-dah (the vibrator, not my dick) lubed up and went for it, oh so very very slowly. But as with the night before, I couldn’t get it all the way in… and began feeling quite frustrated with the whole thing when…

Hello, what’s this?

My little soldier was standing to attention, and I wasn’t even really doing anything, it was just… it was a bit like when I was in the bath that time as a kid and I was staring at it, and it went up, for the first time ever and I wondered why and how it had happened.

To be honest, although my body was vibrating a bit, I wasn’t feeling all that much, probably because it still wasn’t all the way inside, and yet… there was an obvious physical response in my erect form before me.

What’s the name of that band?… Pearl Jam?… Yes, that’s the one… Result!

So, interesting, yes, but mind blowing… no.

Would I do it again?… probably, we’ll see.

Anyway, I cleaned up and I have to say, it loosened me up a bit. I had been feeling a bit grumpy today, but now I feel fine thank you, so this in itself is a nice reward.

Now, I had something to say about Men’s bodies…

Fellas, you know about the prostate and how it’s checked, and many of you who haven’t had it done, fear having it checked, partly because it IS uncomfortable (but isn’t too bad). partly because some men are worried it will turn them Gay… it doesn’t, and partly because of the indignity… yes, there’s some of that but your Doctor won’t be bragging about it down the pub and it could save your life.

Consider this, you’re at the doctors, you’re laying on the table with your pants down, and the doctor lubes up… then he pushes his whole finger up there and has a bit of a feel around.

You have no control over anything, the speed that he puts it up there, or the depth… you grit your teeth and hope it’s over pretty quickly, it usually doesn’t take much more than twenty seconds.

Look, get yourself a toy like mine, get into bed on a night you’re alone and use the toy, it’s up to you how far it goes in, and how long it stays in, and the toy is a little thicker than a finger.

Doesn’t it make sense that if the toy becomes quite ordinary in your mind, that when the time comes to be checked by the doctor, you’ll think a finger is nothing and just get your check and walk out feeling like it was no bother at all?

I think it’s the way to go.

If you are happily married, perhaps show this post to your wife and ask her what she thinks. (Otherwise items may be found by her and that might cause some tension).

And that is that.

Wolfie!





Good Wolves Do!

5 01 2013

This post is part medical and part sexual, I’ve decided to write it because it may not have been documented before and I’m sure that there are people who have wondered, I hope this post helps them.

I’m going to be, as always, very direct and honest, if there’s something here that you feel you cannot face then please tune out now.

As you may be aware, I’m a cancer survivor. I had cancer in the low area of my rectum, which in short had been removed, and I had Chemo and Radiation after that… If you want to read more about my cancer, I have covered it numerous times here, so just go back and you’ll find full stories on it and references to it in other stories.

To be specific, the operation I had was an “ultra-low anterior resection” I have been told by my surgeon and doctor that most of the bowel remains intact, about 12cm was removed.

After the operation and following treatments, I became very concerned with the way my body functioned, I wasn’t sure if I was physically normal or not, my bottom worried me.

I had never thought of my bum as sexual, actually I never thought anyones bottom was. If I’m looking at porn, and there’s a shot of a bottom I’ll rarely be that excited about it.

I was kind of afraid of my bottom after the surgery, in much the same way as you may not want to sit in a chair after hearing that  someones Aunt died in it.

I felt I had to get over it, it was my body, and I couldn’t keep feeling like bits of it were wrong, so I thought I’d do something about it, would using a dildo help me?

I did some reading online and found out about prostate massagers, one of those may do the trick.

I ordered the Aneros prostate massager which turned out to be a rather hard piece of plastic which didn’t vibrate, as I assumed it would.

Well I tried to get it in, a fair few times, but failed, I could only get it to go in part of the way.

A friend of mine who was experienced in these matters asked me if he could have a look at it, when he saw how solid it was he winced, and I knew that I should try something else.

Years ago a friend bought me a Fleshlight, which I liked (they’re very good, except the cleanup later, sucks… so I’d much rather use the hand)… Anyway, I was on their website and saw another type of prostate massager called the “Naughty-Boy”, it was soft, pliable and did vibrate.

I should add here that I’ve had things which vibrate before and found they didn’t do a lot for me, and wondered if vibrating things may be more a Womans fancy than a Mans.

There was a video of someone demonstrating the vibrator (not using it) and it looked like what I might be after.

So I found a local distributor in Australia and ordered it.

Now some of you may be thinking that only gay guys stick things up their bottoms, that probably isn’t the case anymore, much like how a lot of Men refused to wear aftershave in the 70s, because they thought that was gay. I identify as Omnisexual. (I don’t like the sound of “Pansexual” it sounds like I’m rooting a boy who can really fly). Look, if you’re straight and find a vibrator up the clacker helps you get off, do it!

So it came today… but I didn’t, well, not with that anyway.

I think it went in a lot further than the Aneros, but I couldn’t get past “The knot”, it has a bulge down near the end of it.

I put the vibrator on though and there were moments where things felt rather damn nice.

I don’t know if I couldn’t get it in because of my modified anatomy, or because I was too timid… would pushing it all the way in cause me any sort of damage, that was the concern going through my mind.

I feel that if I could manage it, that I’d feel that much more at ease with my body.

Maybe it’s silly, I don’t know, but there’s some psychology here which I want to clear out, so I wanted to try.

Wolfie!

Warning: These links contain sexual imagery.

Aneros, Fleshlight, Naughty-Boy