Boobs and Dicks

16 06 2015

Sex has fascinated me from a very young age.

When I was a kid, growing up in the 70’s, boobs were everywhere, they were in movies, tv shows, newspapers too. My Dad was a delivery man who delivered conveyor belts for local factory, and whenever I walked into an office, I was often confronted with women with huge norgs staring back at me.

I think because of that, because nothing was hidden, boobs were just normal.
So when I saw Women breast feeding, well, that’s what breasts were for.

But now we have a society where breasts are hidden from view and highly sexualised, their display has devolved into an ugly taboo, which has made things worse for everyone, especially Mothers with Babies.

So with this rational view of breasts that I had, I suppose they didn’t titillate me, as much as other blokes, so I had to find other options.

Where were the vaginas? and where were… where were Men?

Not that I could ask at the time, or I’d invoke the “What are Ya, a poofta?”

I really wanted to know more about My bits being an owner and potential operator of those parts.

Once, at Sex Education, I asked the teacher about male bits, and was brushed off with “It’s all too simple”, Well that’s fine, but I haven’t got a womb, I won’t be menstruating… and probably won’t be breeding. (a lot of factors there, marriage never appealed to me, I sadly heard a lot of domestic rows over the years)

Years later, I began to hear Men talking about their parts, and how they thought everything functioned. Their explanations were often colourful, fantastical and wrong.

Balls were some kind of bladder which fill up with cum and everything shoots out from there, um… no.

There’s a sort of bladder between your legs where it’s all stored up… no.

Perhaps they were as frustrated as I was, perhaps they wanted to know too?

So I began to read various items on male equipment to try and get a truthful handle on how it all works, even now I’m not completely sure if I’ve got it right, but I can research thanks to the wonders of the Internet.

So my understanding, and if I’m wrong, please correct me, goes a bit like this.

Men tend to imagine that Semen or Cum, is a singular fluid, like urine, it’s an easy assumption, but wrong.

In fact, it’s more like a milkshake, in which you add milk, flavouring, ice-cream, and shake like mad.

What we call pre-cum comes from two little glands not far from the base of the penis, called the Bulbourethral glands or Cowper’s glands, they are about pea sized.
Pre-ejaculate appears on the head of the penis after an erection or two, and looks like clear fluid which is slightly viscous (thick) like honey.

The fluid acts as a lube, making everything just a bit more comfortable during sex, isn’t nature clever?

Other species have the same glands, but some animals have much larger ones and the fluid is much more copious.

Early on, Catholics suggested a thing where you get off the train before it pulls into the last station… or pulling out before ejaculation. The trouble with that is that sperm are everywhere, EVERWHERE! (Well almost) While born in the testicles, sperm tend to swim off to any old place once they’re out. so lots of babies were born as a result of the mis-conception (see what I did there?) that sperm were only released after ejaculation.

Did you know a thousand sperm cells can fit on the head of a pin? It’s true. Sperm cells are the tiniest cell that the body produces. The egg is the largest.

Then further along, but right next to the Cowper’s gland is the Prostate.

This is one part of our anatomy that many Men have heard of, but are not always sure of what it is, or does.

When My Dad developed Prostate trouble, and needed to have it checked, there was some confusion. Both Parents had heard of it, but didn’t understand what it was for.

I think Gay men would be far more familiar with it than most straight Men, and that’s a shame. It has been called the male g-spot, and many new types of vibrators have been developed to help stimulate it. And no, you don’t have to be gay to get a vibe.

The Prostate acts as a junction, keeping urine and semen separate.

The Prostate itself is rather like a horn on a bike, when you squeeze the rubber ball, the horn honks, and when you ejaculate, you’re honking your horn, but instead of air coming out with a loud honk, which would be weird and inconvenient (“Dora, It seems our Son has finally discovered himself”) a fluid comes out.

You may have realised that ejaculation is like a sneeze, sniffing a cloud of pepper while cooking irritates your nose and your body reacts by sneezing. It’s not something that you can just do whenever you like, your nose must be stimulated to get there, and the penis also needs stimulation before you can ejaculate.

Although a very realistic dream will have a similar effect.

Behind the Prostate are the two Seminal Vesicles, and this is where the “Ice-Cream” is produced and stored if you’re using the milkshake analogy.

During ejaculation, it is released into the prostate, is mixed with the other fluids and pumped out.

It is thought that the white, sticky fluid de-acidifies the vagina, which helps the sperm survive, and also blocks the vagina up, so that a second male would have a more difficult time getting the Woman Pregnant… something that may be of less importance now, but was a big thing during caveman days.

It is also thought that one reason the penis has evolved into the shape it is, is to squeegee fluid from the vagina that the first caveman has left behind.

Ahh the good old days.

Behind the Seminal Vesicles is the Vas Deferens, a couple of tubes which lead to the testicles, and are often full of sperm.

These are cut and tied during a vasectomy, a quick operation to prevent Fatherhood.

As you can probably tell from my description so far, the other parts of the anatomy are before this point, so if you were to have a vasectomy, it would only stop a small amount of fluid, containing your sperm, from being released, you still have all the rest of the milkshake, and shouldn’t notice any difference in your ejaculation.

When you ejaculate, muscles along the Vas Deferens, squeeze and propel the sperm upwards, could it be the flavoring of our milkshake? there’s not much of it, but it is important.

Next is the Epididymus, a tube which is very narrow and coiled up on the side of each testicle. Stretched out fully, it could be up to seven meters long, and is where young sperm, born in the testicles, grow up. I suppose you could think of it like kids entering kindergarten, and entering the vas deferens after high-school.

Then our Testicles.

These are not bladders, but quite meaty, if you were to cut one open, don’t, you will find that they are very solid on the inside.

If you’ve prepared Bulls testicles for dinner, you would most likely have seen what they look like, but you’d be braver than me, I’ll pass.

The testicles produce both sperm and the male hormone, testosterone, which makes us all macho and hairy.

One mystery remains, what gives us that sense of fullness that we feel when we have a lot of semen?

We tend to think we feel it in our testicles, every few days, is it the Epididymus?, The Vas Deferens?, or the Seminal Vesicles?. Perhaps it’s all three. Does the feeling of “being horny” come from this fullness, or does feeling horny produce more semen?

An emotional trigger is likely, much like how we drool if we think of sucking a lemon, give it a try now.

My Mother, who grew up with family who were in the Salvation Army, said that kids would suck lemons in front of a Salvation Army band… causing them to drool and falter while playing their music.

It’s no wonder I turned out the way I did.

In Sex Education we are told that semen will just be re-absorbed if we don’t use it, and while that might be true in theory, most of us know that if we don’t ejaculate within three days (usually) we’re “climbing the walls” as any teenage boy will know who has attempted to hold on for a week… we’ve all tried that one.

Also, here’s an odd thing about the penis, all animals have different styles of penis, which do much the same job, but have evolved in very different ways. Most animals have a bone in their penis, dogs and racoons have bones, but horses and humans lack them, It’s probably a good thing, as bones can, and do break… However a Man can snap his penis when erect, so proceed carefully.

I hope I’ve cleared a few things up, and perhaps busted a few myths.

Wolfie Rankin.

Uncomfortably Numb

3 04 2013

A lot of you have experienced a limb falling asleep, because you’ve been laying in an awkward position, and I’ve had it happen to me many times.

Usually it doesn’t last, but I’ve had a few where I thought my arm would never function again and hang at my side like dead meat for the rest of my life… In fact Cold Chisel had a song about this, called “Saturday night palsy”, where people come home drunk and lay in one position for hours, which causes the problem.

Now I don’t drink, so I’ve never experienced that but years ago, I was sprawled at the end of Mums bed, watching telly with her, which is something we often did, when I got up and felt something really weird.

I cringed and said, “Mum… I think my penis has gone to sleep”.

“Has it?” she replied and her whole face contorted as she began to laugh at my expense.

This had never happened to me before, it felt awful, and sort of detached from the rest of me, but this didn’t last long, as the numbness was quickly replaced by tingling.

Now a tingling penis may sound lovely to some, but I can tell you, it’s not… it’s the kind of violent tingling you get when you hit your elbow on the tap in the shower recess, My dick was screaming “Don’t Touch Me!”

Yes I may be exaggerating a bit, it wasn’t that painful, but it wasn’t exactly nice either.

I only remembered this because it happened today and I tried to examine the cause.

I was wearing Bonds athletic underwear, you know the kind where you can slide your hand into the flap, and “cop a feel” if you’re inclined?

Well I think part of it, my penis, was poking out of there and had bent a bit, and thus numbed a nerve.

Now while we’re talking about penile nerves, a friend of mine told me an interesting story, which I couldn’t verify, as we kind of lost touch, which happens sometimes.

My friend was getting older, as we all are, and he had a bucket list of things he wanted to try before he either got too old or karked it.

One was to see a Lady of the night, which he said he’d never done before.

So He did this, and reported back.

He said that while He was with Her, She asked him if He knew about the nerve in his penis, the one that makes a Man ejaculate when it’s pressed on.

He thought she was joking, When you’re in your 40’s or older, you know just about everything about your penis.

Anyway, she proved her point by pressing on this nerve, and he ejaculated, just like that… She apparently did is again when he was soft, and surprised the life out of him by having him come once more.

If anyone knows more about this, let me know.

But anyway, there’s two things you probably haven’t heard of before.


Good Wolves Do! – Part II, The Second Coming.

7 01 2013

Now, If you’ve read the first part, you know what this is all about. If not, there’s Naughty Bits as Kenny Everett used to say, so don’t say you weren’t warned.

I also have a serious thought for Men to consider, which I’ll write about a bit later.

Part of me was egging on another part of me to try the Naughty Boy out again, but the conservative part of me (yes I have one) was saying things like “It’s a bit scary and weird, and I’m not sure that we should be doing it” while the other bit was “C’mon maaaan, it’s like, cool and shit, it’s 2013, shouldn’t we be, like, you know, over the *wriggles fingers* shrouded homophobia?”

Yeah, and you know, sometimes I think that’s what a big chunk of homophobia is, the male body being far too taboo to discuss… I mean periods, lactation, ovulation etc is fine to discuss openly, but mention ejaculation and there’s a gasp.

So I gave in to my animal desires, or to put it more accurately, I thought I’d have another shot.

Got into bed, condom on the doo-dah (the vibrator, not my dick) lubed up and went for it, oh so very very slowly. But as with the night before, I couldn’t get it all the way in… and began feeling quite frustrated with the whole thing when…

Hello, what’s this?

My little soldier was standing to attention, and I wasn’t even really doing anything, it was just… it was a bit like when I was in the bath that time as a kid and I was staring at it, and it went up, for the first time ever and I wondered why and how it had happened.

To be honest, although my body was vibrating a bit, I wasn’t feeling all that much, probably because it still wasn’t all the way inside, and yet… there was an obvious physical response in my erect form before me.

What’s the name of that band?… Pearl Jam?… Yes, that’s the one… Result!

So, interesting, yes, but mind blowing… no.

Would I do it again?… probably, we’ll see.

Anyway, I cleaned up and I have to say, it loosened me up a bit. I had been feeling a bit grumpy today, but now I feel fine thank you, so this in itself is a nice reward.

Now, I had something to say about Men’s bodies…

Fellas, you know about the prostate and how it’s checked, and many of you who haven’t had it done, fear having it checked, partly because it IS uncomfortable (but isn’t too bad). partly because some men are worried it will turn them Gay… it doesn’t, and partly because of the indignity… yes, there’s some of that but your Doctor won’t be bragging about it down the pub and it could save your life.

Consider this, you’re at the doctors, you’re laying on the table with your pants down, and the doctor lubes up… then he pushes his whole finger up there and has a bit of a feel around.

You have no control over anything, the speed that he puts it up there, or the depth… you grit your teeth and hope it’s over pretty quickly, it usually doesn’t take much more than twenty seconds.

Look, get yourself a toy like mine, get into bed on a night you’re alone and use the toy, it’s up to you how far it goes in, and how long it stays in, and the toy is a little thicker than a finger.

Doesn’t it make sense that if the toy becomes quite ordinary in your mind, that when the time comes to be checked by the doctor, you’ll think a finger is nothing and just get your check and walk out feeling like it was no bother at all?

I think it’s the way to go.

If you are happily married, perhaps show this post to your wife and ask her what she thinks. (Otherwise items may be found by her and that might cause some tension).

And that is that.


Good Wolves Do!

5 01 2013

This post is part medical and part sexual, I’ve decided to write it because it may not have been documented before and I’m sure that there are people who have wondered, I hope this post helps them.

I’m going to be, as always, very direct and honest, if there’s something here that you feel you cannot face then please tune out now.

As you may be aware, I’m a cancer survivor. I had cancer in the low area of my rectum, which in short had been removed, and I had Chemo and Radiation after that… If you want to read more about my cancer, I have covered it numerous times here, so just go back and you’ll find full stories on it and references to it in other stories.

To be specific, the operation I had was an “ultra-low anterior resection” I have been told by my surgeon and doctor that most of the bowel remains intact, about 12cm was removed.

After the operation and following treatments, I became very concerned with the way my body functioned, I wasn’t sure if I was physically normal or not, my bottom worried me.

I had never thought of my bum as sexual, actually I never thought anyones bottom was. If I’m looking at porn, and there’s a shot of a bottom I’ll rarely be that excited about it.

I was kind of afraid of my bottom after the surgery, in much the same way as you may not want to sit in a chair after hearing that  someones Aunt died in it.

I felt I had to get over it, it was my body, and I couldn’t keep feeling like bits of it were wrong, so I thought I’d do something about it, would using a dildo help me?

I did some reading online and found out about prostate massagers, one of those may do the trick.

I ordered the Aneros prostate massager which turned out to be a rather hard piece of plastic which didn’t vibrate, as I assumed it would.

Well I tried to get it in, a fair few times, but failed, I could only get it to go in part of the way.

A friend of mine who was experienced in these matters asked me if he could have a look at it, when he saw how solid it was he winced, and I knew that I should try something else.

Years ago a friend bought me a Fleshlight, which I liked (they’re very good, except the cleanup later, sucks… so I’d much rather use the hand)… Anyway, I was on their website and saw another type of prostate massager called the “Naughty-Boy”, it was soft, pliable and did vibrate.

I should add here that I’ve had things which vibrate before and found they didn’t do a lot for me, and wondered if vibrating things may be more a Womans fancy than a Mans.

There was a video of someone demonstrating the vibrator (not using it) and it looked like what I might be after.

So I found a local distributor in Australia and ordered it.

Now some of you may be thinking that only gay guys stick things up their bottoms, that probably isn’t the case anymore, much like how a lot of Men refused to wear aftershave in the 70s, because they thought that was gay. I identify as Omnisexual. (I don’t like the sound of “Pansexual” it sounds like I’m rooting a boy who can really fly). Look, if you’re straight and find a vibrator up the clacker helps you get off, do it!

So it came today… but I didn’t, well, not with that anyway.

I think it went in a lot further than the Aneros, but I couldn’t get past “The knot”, it has a bulge down near the end of it.

I put the vibrator on though and there were moments where things felt rather damn nice.

I don’t know if I couldn’t get it in because of my modified anatomy, or because I was too timid… would pushing it all the way in cause me any sort of damage, that was the concern going through my mind.

I feel that if I could manage it, that I’d feel that much more at ease with my body.

Maybe it’s silly, I don’t know, but there’s some psychology here which I want to clear out, so I wanted to try.


Warning: These links contain sexual imagery.

Aneros, Fleshlight, Naughty-Boy

The heart growing fonder.

21 11 2012

At least once, in every teenage boys life, there is a ritual to be performed.

And although never spoken of, somehow we all know of it, and we all do it.

It’s the “I’m not going to cum for a whole week” ritual, and although many of us really do try to get through this week of sheer agony, very few of us actually manage it.

What compels a boy to embark on a week of abstinence?

That’s easily explained, it’s the often mistaken idea that the ejaculation produced at the end of the week would rival an Indian Monsoon, but sadly it never does.

But has that stopped any of us from attempting the feat at least once? Never!

Most of us males ejaculate at least once a day, when we’re in our mid teens and early twenties, and should we stop, our body puts us through hell.

It gets harder to concentrate on anything useful, our minds will flick back to sexual thoughts far too often, so it’s not a great time to try this during exams, nothing will be taken in. although sometimes I wondered if any part of high-school was useful to me while I was being ravaged by my own hormones.

Then you can’t sleep, try as you might after a few nights, your brain won’t let you settle.

“Have a wank now or you’ll see the dawn” says the grey matter, You can ignore this as much as you like, but if you find yourself still awake at 2am, there’s nothing for it but do what you’re told… or you’ll see the dawn.

And if you do sleep, The wet dream.

Wet dreams are weird, most people think they’re porn, but mine were mostly weird and abstract.

I used to do the ritual on family holidays, I was sort of closeted up with my parents anyway, and often my Niece and Nephew (who looked like a younger Brother and Sister to my teenage self).

One night in a motel, the I failed the ritual, and here’s my strange and sorry tale.

I had gone to sleep in my bed, My parents bed was across the room from me, and my Niece and Nephew were to the right of me, in their own beds.

I found myself in a hangar, surrounded by a lot of strange, but very clean and bright scientific instruments, which were watched and checked by a couple of boffins dressed in white, who were writing notes onto clip-boards.

The huge hangar door slid open, looking out onto a field of grass and a blue sky.

A mare wandered into view and stood there… who was quickly followed by a stallion, who mounted the mare and proceeded to have hot, sweaty, horse sex with her.

Suddenly I awoke, to discover that I was soaked, apparently this time the experiment worked, but I then realised I was in a motel, not at home in my own bed, with a bit of privacy.

But My parents hadn’t woken yet, and I managed to scuttle into the bathroom and shower, before the others woke… and started knocking on the door and calling, wanting me to get out.

Yes, I did the ritual every time I went on holidays, even after that… because if you’re a male, that’s what you do.


All about the Cock.

11 10 2012

The word “Penis” is a bit crap, it sounds stupid, and I think most of us males tend to avoid the term.

“Cock” is a far better word, and according to the dictionary, probably quite acceptable, although not, as yet, an official description… it’s still considered slang, and vulgar slang at that, I don’t think it should be… but I’ll get to that later.

The dictionary says that a cock is a small spout for water, and when you think of it, that’s a very good description of it.

“Cock” is also a word used to describe a male, generally a bird, although it has been used to describe a Stallion, and here is a fine example of that:

Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross
To see a fine lady upon a white horse
With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
She shall have music wherever she goes

Now, about the slang.

You may know that it wasn’t all that long ago that people refrained from saying “Fart” as it tended to be a vulgar term, but over the last thirty years or so, it has become a standard term for stomach gas, or the act of expelling it. I have heard doctors talk about farting, generally not their own farting, usually someone elses.

But it’s a good word, don’t you agree?

The word *sounds* right, for what it represents, ones anus can almost pronounce the word on it’s own at times.

So these days it’s more acceptable to say “When I fart”, rather than “When I produce wind”.

I think “Cock” should definitely go the same way.

Words do have a habit of being born as slang, or as vulgar, then turning into a “normal” word over the years, and words ca also go the other way.

Using “Tart” to describe a Woman, was once a lovely term, suggesting that a Woman was sweet, like a tart (jam tart or small cake)… But has since taken on quite an unpleasant meaning.

I think that words, used more frequently lose “power” over the years, and those hidden away in closets tend to become worse. Harry Potter fans would be familiar with “He who shall not be named” which is what people called Voldemort, and this habit caused people to fear Voldemort even more… While of course Harry simply called Voldemort by his name.

Cancer was similar to that, People many years ago feared it and wouldn’t discuss it with others, it was as though the person with cancer had done something shameful. Of course having cancer is bad enough, without asocial stigma on top of it. Thankfully people talk about cancer these days, which helps everyone deal with it.

I also feel the “N-Word” needs to be said, in order to remove its power, but you note that I didn’t write it, because some of you would be offended… but note this, you still heard it in your mind, didn’t you?

What is the point of writing F***? You heard that in your mind too, right? (although I really thought “Fish” when I typed it).

There’s a word whose vulgarity will probably fail soon too, in fact it’s used so much these days, it makes me wonder why people are still upset about it.

Oh yes, we have to consider context too, naturally.

But getting back to my argument, I think we should embrace “Cock” as a perfectly normal, correct word.

* The bit about the Fish was a dreadful lie, Sorry.

And a link to that poem about the lady going to Banbury, because it’s interesting.

That Nude Photo

30 05 2011

People have seen that one nude photo of me in the shower floating around online, and I thought perhaps I would write about why I did it. I have never been the one to flaunt my body, I’ve always been a very insecure person, which got worse after puberty. If I went swimming anywhere, to a water slide for example, I would have left my t-shirt on… which was probably a good thing when you consider skin cancer.

When I was growing up in the 70’s there were lots of calendars around, of naked women, and I suppose I just sort of took it as normal, before feminists weigh in here, please take into consideration that I was a kid at this stage, around ten or so. And at this point I came to wonder why there were calendars of Women, but there were no Men, I found that very odd.

I suppose I felt both sexes deserved equal time.

I really had nothing to base my sexuality on, anything male seemed to be hidden away, or Men would appear in porn magazines merely to emphasise the sexuality of Women, but never alone, never by themselves, or with other Men. Not that I saw any of this until I was around twenty something. I just didn’t have access to that sort of material, which was sad because I really wanted to know.

Perhaps if I had lived in San Francisco things would’ve been different.

One thing that stuck with me was hearing the guy who created the Love Sexy cover for Prince saying something like “Female sexuality is an easy thing to photograph, while Men, were extremely difficult” as though my sex were sort of neutral, too dull to be photographed, not impressive, and kind of worthless.

Then I got online, and suddenly there they were, all the pictures of Men that I had imagined should have been on calendars in local shops, and should have been hanging up in grimy offices and so forth, It was an awakening.

What I liked most about these photographs were that the models were a lot more confident about their bodies than I was, and I felt after seeing them, a lot more at ease with who I was… but perhaps if I’d seen these images as a teenager, it would have helped things a lot more… but obviously there was no internet, as we have now, way back then.

It was 2005 when the cancer was discovered, and I feared that with the operation and treatment, that my body would change, so I wanted to take some photos of myself, before the operation, in the nude, not to be shown, just for my own purposes.

Before a bowel operation, a patient goes to see a stoma therapist. a stoma is a bit of your intestine which sticks out of your body, and a special collection bag is hung from this, which collects your waste, it’s not as bad as it sounds, the stoma is only about the size of the tip of your thumb, and the bag fixes to your body a bit like a band-aid, and is changed every couple of days.

The stoma therapist teaches you a bit about what a stoma is, shows you a model, and then works out where the best place for your stoma will be… so it’s not directly under where the belt of your pants would be, for example.

An “X” was marked on my body with a texta, and covered with a patch of what looked like clear masking tape, after my operation I would wake to find a stoma there, and a bag.

One morning when Mum went out shopping with my Sister, I set up my camera and took full frontal shots of me, which nobody would see but me.

After the operation I felt that with the stoma there, and the smell, and the minor accidents I was having with it, that I had become unclean, I wouldn’t touch food with my bare hands, I even used a spoon to eat twisties.

But as time went on and I became more adept at looking after myself, that feeling went away, and I began to return to normal.

Then Joe came to visit me from the US, we had planned this holiday months ago, but only a few weeks earlier Mum had passed away, so I was still in a strange mind-frame.

We stayed in this lovely cottage at Mt Dandenong, which was actually for new couples, I think, but it was right in the forest which is exactly what I needed, I love the forest and the sound of bellbirds.

The light was beautiful on the inside, and I felt like taking some photos as I had been doing frequently throughout the holiday, then I realised that I could probably take some nude shots.

I wasn’t prepared to do frontal shots as I had the horrible bag on, and I really didn’t want to do that anyway. I just wanted a lovely photo of myself having a shower in this gorgeous bathroom.

So I snapped a few photos using my Pentax SLR on a tripod and I used a timer, No flash was used as it would have spoilt the lovely yellow lighting there.

I never had the opportunity to photograph nudes, something I’d quite like to do, and so I really enjoyed doing this, I think in part, the photo was to say “This is me, I’m confident, I’m in one piece and I’m ok”.


BTW: I had a reversal done in 2010, where the stoma was “removed” (put back inside where it ought to be) This has caused it’s own problems, but about eight months later, things are much better than they were. and showering is so much easier.