Sex Museum

27 03 2013

I just went to someone elses blog, where they had a story on a sex museum, which was basically pre-historic dildos and fleshlights.

The writer seemed to suggest that he felt it was a bit shocking, fair enough, but I’ve personally never been bothered with sex, and have never understood why naked bodies or a bare nipple offends anyone.

I have a list of things which offend me far more… Cancer, Tony Abbott, Nuclear Energy, Rupert Murdoch, War, Torture, Climate Change, Animal Cruelty and many other things besides, but sex, nah.

Years ago I knew someone who had Percheron horses, these horses, not surprisingly, had huge penises. and what he did was work out a way to take a mould from the penis, and then make a dildo out of that.

The local sex shop was interested in these and he managed to sell quite a few.

He once joked that he would make a couple of brass ones to put at the end of his stairs.

It’s all harmless stuff.


Human hypocrisy

1 01 2013

So I’m at Franks place and we’re having a talk at the table.

Frank is a farmer, We’re at his farm where he raises cattle.

The discussion swings around to people who are turned on by animals.

I knew an old bloke once who told me that he was in love with his horses, he spent every spare minute he had with them, took great care of them, and yes, sex was involved.

I once asked him if he thought his Mother knew about it, and he suspected she did, because after all, Mothers tend to know things… But she let him be just the same.

Frank had heard about it, “it goes on but isn’t talked about much” He said.

He disagreed with it because a horse or a cow can’t tell you what it wants. He felt it wouldn’t be so bad if the animal could agree to it in the same way a human could, it wasn’t consensual and that’s what made it wrong.

But I thought that if that was the case, would a Swedish speaking Woman think it was wrong to have sex with a Greek speaking man? is language any barrier to sex?

Animals communicate their feelings to people, My dog tells me when she’s hungry or wants a walk, or whether she’s scared or happy, I know she dislikes a bath but tolerates it anyway.

Later I thought about Franks cattle, He had recently had rubber bands put around the bull calves scrotums, so that their balls would drop off so their bodies wouldn’t be full of testosterone, which would make their meat tough.

How would a young bullock feel about being someones sunday roast?

I wondered where the article of consent was there?


All about the Cock.

11 10 2012

The word “Penis” is a bit crap, it sounds stupid, and I think most of us males tend to avoid the term.

“Cock” is a far better word, and according to the dictionary, probably quite acceptable, although not, as yet, an official description… it’s still considered slang, and vulgar slang at that, I don’t think it should be… but I’ll get to that later.

The dictionary says that a cock is a small spout for water, and when you think of it, that’s a very good description of it.

“Cock” is also a word used to describe a male, generally a bird, although it has been used to describe a Stallion, and here is a fine example of that:

Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross
To see a fine lady upon a white horse
With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
She shall have music wherever she goes

Now, about the slang.

You may know that it wasn’t all that long ago that people refrained from saying “Fart” as it tended to be a vulgar term, but over the last thirty years or so, it has become a standard term for stomach gas, or the act of expelling it. I have heard doctors talk about farting, generally not their own farting, usually someone elses.

But it’s a good word, don’t you agree?

The word *sounds* right, for what it represents, ones anus can almost pronounce the word on it’s own at times.

So these days it’s more acceptable to say “When I fart”, rather than “When I produce wind”.

I think “Cock” should definitely go the same way.

Words do have a habit of being born as slang, or as vulgar, then turning into a “normal” word over the years, and words ca also go the other way.

Using “Tart” to describe a Woman, was once a lovely term, suggesting that a Woman was sweet, like a tart (jam tart or small cake)… But has since taken on quite an unpleasant meaning.

I think that words, used more frequently lose “power” over the years, and those hidden away in closets tend to become worse. Harry Potter fans would be familiar with “He who shall not be named” which is what people called Voldemort, and this habit caused people to fear Voldemort even more… While of course Harry simply called Voldemort by his name.

Cancer was similar to that, People many years ago feared it and wouldn’t discuss it with others, it was as though the person with cancer had done something shameful. Of course having cancer is bad enough, without asocial stigma on top of it. Thankfully people talk about cancer these days, which helps everyone deal with it.

I also feel the “N-Word” needs to be said, in order to remove its power, but you note that I didn’t write it, because some of you would be offended… but note this, you still heard it in your mind, didn’t you?

What is the point of writing F***? You heard that in your mind too, right? (although I really thought “Fish” when I typed it).

There’s a word whose vulgarity will probably fail soon too, in fact it’s used so much these days, it makes me wonder why people are still upset about it.

Oh yes, we have to consider context too, naturally.

But getting back to my argument, I think we should embrace “Cock” as a perfectly normal, correct word.

* The bit about the Fish was a dreadful lie, Sorry.

And a link to that poem about the lady going to Banbury, because it’s interesting.

Horse Transformation

10 01 2012

A question of taste (NSFW)

10 09 2011

Semen, it’s good stuff, but the flavour needs changing, and considering how many of us have come out, it’s definitely not used as often for baby making (Swallowing it is more environmentally friendly than using it for producing kin).

So let’s say that there were plans ahead for a genetically enhanced human with all the nasty diseases removed and a few nice touches… not to say, build a human for sports, that’s kind of dumb… sure you could have a man with the body for basketball but he may want to study music.

Therefore we want healthy bodies, big and strong, alert, active, good heart, good bone structure and…

Semen that tastes better than bleach.

So what if we had a committee of connoisseurs, of Men and Women too, what could we change the flavour to?

I gave this some thought, and reasoned that the flavour needs to be subtle and suggestive, like wine where people talk about field mushrooms or berries, you get the drift?

And why not have a variety? If we have lots of partners (none carry disease remember) then why not have a range of flavours?

Here’s my suggestion, put forth.

– Almond
– Vanilla
– Oats
– Hay
– Honey
– Horse (horse like scent)
– Peach
– Wheat
– Walnut

Might be an interesting conversation starter at a bar.

“I taste like Apricot, What do you taste like?”

Any more suggestions?

*NSFW means Nice Soft Fluffy Werewolves.