About Werewolves

28 04 2013

No, No, No, This stops, and it stops right now.

For years, you Humans have acted as though you know everything about us and some of you do, but most of you get your information from movies, and movies aren’t typically the place to go to become educated about things, right?

Werewolves, Us, We, Have been depicted wrongly and we don’t really mind, we enjoy a good movie as much as anyone, but someone really needs to straighten you out, because frankly you’ve been terribly misled.

So if you don’t mind, I’ll talk about Werewolves I know and love, and bits about myself.

Firstly, The way people get to be Werewolves is the same way they get to be English, or Japanese, or Spanish… Yes they become Naturalised! No! They’re born that way… All that stuff about biting, viruses or curses is utter rubbish.

Moonlight, doesn’t do anything but provide a lovely light that helps us see, it doesn’t change us, we do that whenever we like, and we don’t howl AT it, We howl TO each other, which makes more sense right? because the moon certainly doesn’t say hello back. The whole Full Moon thing was concocted for ye olde “The Wolfman” film, it’s nonsense.

The Change, so horribly painful, Cringe, scream and don’t forget to reach for the camera while doing it, good grief! Actually it feels bloody marvelous, We like to call it “The full body erection” because it feels practically the same, it’s even a bit of a problem for teenagers just like normal erections are.

When it first happened to me, I had no control over it, I stayed that way for days. I remained in the house while Mum and Dad tried to fend off awkward questions about where I was.

Movie Werewolves are always ugly, Why? We’re a beautiful species, We’re soft and fluffy and great for cuddling, I often look at myself in the mirror and think about how gorgeo… *coughs*…

Tails, We have them, Mine stops just at the back of my knees. I love my tail but tails and doors don’t mix, particularly on windy days so one has to remember to keep ones tail between ones legs… or lose it.

Nude male Werewolves in movies often don’t have the parts that males should come equipped with, which is downright weird, well it is… imagine going to the toilet and finding you had no penis… I’ve had dreams like that, it’s not pleasant.

Ripped clothing, What? Why? T-shirts cost a packet these days, I’ll strip before I change, thanks.

Epic feuds with Vampires, Well, to be honest, I’ve never met a Vampire or a Zombie, and neither has anyone else I know… but Aliens?, that’s another story.

Creeping around in Graveyards at midnight?, I’ve never understood that, what’s there which is so attractive?, and yes, even though I’m a Werewolf, I’d still find it a bit spooky.

Werewolves do everything people do, We go out, watch movies, listen to music, dance (often badly, in our own homes) We eat muffins…

We don’t eat people, We wouldn’t eat you, people are disgusting, but there are times when it’s nice to let people *think* we do, you know the type, yes, them.

Werewolves should never eat chocolate (but we do it often!)

We don’t generally drink or smoke.

Toilets are a bit of a problem.

Some of us are awful geeks and use Twitter too damn much, quite frankly.

Cats still think we’re there to feed them and are there to be sat on.

Sometimes we get fleas, though I blame the cat.

Is there any more I need to tell you? If so, ask away.


Facts Vs Belief

15 10 2010

I thought of a way to show students the importance of fact over belief.

Tonight I watched the 1958 version of The Blob, the entire thing is on
Youtube, cut into ten minute sections… I’ve watched a few old films
this way.


You ask the students to pretend they’re reporters for a paper which has
a good name based upon it’s factual stories (no gossip columns here!).

You’re a reporter from the town in which The Blob eats several people,
Your job is to write down, in order, who was eaten.

Now at this point you may want to watch the film yourself.

For those who want me to continue, here’s the rest.

The blob eats, in order…

The Old man who finds the meteorite in the hole.
The Nurse,
The Doctor,
The Mechanic,
The Janitor at the supermarket.
The Projectionist at the cinema.

It has possibly eaten several people at the cinema… and I noticed that when they show the audience on the inside of the cinema, and then the audience running out terrified, that there seemed to be four times the amount of people crashing out the doors.

Anyway, the point is that although the janitor was missing, his items left dumped on the floor of the supermarket, he’s believed to have been eaten… but he could have got away.

And I wonder how many viewers would be convinced that he was eaten, even when there’s no proof that he was.

There’s also the issue of the little dog.

While the heroes of the story are stuck in a supermarket fridge, you hear the little dog, formerly owned by the old man, give a yelp.

We assume that the blob got the little dog, but once the couple escape from the supermarket, we hear one of the other teenagers say that they saw the little dog running terrified up the street.

The questions which could arise here are:

* Did the blob eat the dog?
* Did the dog escape like the teenager said?
* or was the teenager mistaken, since it could have been a dog which looked the same, which just happened to be passing in that direction?

It’s just a thought, it might be a fun lesson, and could lead to some
really good discussion… best of all, it leaves theology out of the
picture, so certain students wouldn’t block the lesson out as soon as
you mention the E word.