The one about the Swan

2 06 2012

Sometimes weird phrases pop into my head, I suppose that’s how songs are written.

This one turned up today.

“There’s a dying swan on the Captain’s Table,

“there’s a piece for you if you’re willing and able”

I was thinking about dreams and of all the strange things we see when we dream.


Speedy, The Monster

20 05 2012

I’m not sure why or when it appeared, but as a child, I had a Monster… And his name was Speedy.

Speedy was a big bully.

He used to fill my dreams with pranks like making the taps work in strange ways, or making light bulbs fill with water, or turning the lights off and leaving me in the dark with just him and I.

And He would threaten to eat me, in that polite sort of tone that He had, and I used to have to beg my way out of it until the dream ended.

“Go to the fridge” I’d suggest. “There’s plenty of food in there”

But No, Speedy was pretty sure he wanted to eat me instead, Speedy was an Arsehole.

I don’t really know what Speedy looked like, but he lived inside the switch of the Electric Blanket.

Sometimes I’d be laying in bed and it was as though someone had turned on the Worlds Biggest Vacuum cleaner and was trying to suck me up… I had to hold onto the sheets for dear life.

One day he appeared as a giant raspberry jelly beside my bed, a sort of gay version of “The Blob”.

Then one fateful day, He did it, He sucked me into the Electric Blanket control, and there I was in total darkness, although I could see Him and I quite plainly.

Speedy was happy, and this time he was going to eat me for sure.

“I’ll just have to get some mustard” He said.

But Speedy had made one fatal error.

He looked just like a giant salad roll, which happened to be one on MY Favourites.

And that was the end of Speedy.


3 05 2012

I’ve noticed that when I’m at a point where I’m beginning to doze off at night, that I experience something quite strange.

And I’ve called them “dreamlets”

Although quite aware that I’m in bed, in my bedroom, with a pillow under my head and a warm doona over me, and also that my dog, Katie, is snoring away… I begin having a dream which isn’t quite the same as a normal dream.

I can see formed images, usually geometric shapes, something like a puzzle game, which I can sort of look at and play with… these are not “Phos” which is the strange patterns most of us notice when we’re in a dark room sometimes.

These dreamlets are not as clear as normal dreams which I have when I’m really asleep, they tend to be a bit fuzzy (low res) and don’t have a lot of colour. They also seem to be more in my central vision… It’s a lot like looking at an “8-bit” game on an iPhone.

I should add that I haven’t been sleeping well lately, I can’t say i’ve seen these before and feel that I’m entering a very light sleeping patten where I’m not all the way out.

Still, it’s very interesting to see how my brain works as it’s slowing off for the night.


Plugging into the brain

5 03 2012

It’s a concept which has been a part of science fiction for a long time, but it has made me wonder lately if it might be possible.

That if there is a place, a port, on the head which might connect with the brain, to input audio or visual data… not only so the blind could see or the deaf might hear, but also for entertainment purposes. Imagine having the purest stereo sound entering your head, which completely bypasses your ears. You could have it as loud as you liked, but nobody would hear it and as a bonus, it would never damage your hearing.

Visually, it could give you direct information such as directions, without the need to operate and look at a screen, You would never need to take your eyes off the road.

And as for movies, it would be like having the biggest screen imaginable.

Fine, it’s a nice dream, but let’s be practical.

The brain is supposed to be highly adaptable, so what if a port could be grown?

What if, for instance, you could wear a device which had a slight charge or vibration, on a particular place on the skull, the charge or vibration would match the frequency of music… and although you couldn’t hear the music now… what if after so many months, your brain began to register the slight buzz or tingle as audio data?

Yes, it probably wouldn’t work, and if it did, what if your brain chose to interpret the input as visual data or pain?

I’m just the dreamer of the dream, but when a scientist starts to consider the possibility too, things can change from dream, into reality.

In the 80’s we didn’t have phones that could slip into our pockets, at the time it was quite impossible, and yet similar devices were seen in Star Trek or 2001 a Space Odyssey.

So is this idea possible?


Stairway to Oprah

10 10 2011

The weird dream from last night, documented in all it’s weird glory for all to see.

There was a city square, kind of like Melbourne’s Federation Square, paved area, big building in the middle, you get the idea.

A Chinese lady was racing back and forth like a pong paddle, trying to block me, I had the idea that it was some crazy Chinese hidden camera show or some such.

I turned back, and found myself in a park, almost like a small forest at night.
and there was this car body, amongst the trees.

Inside the car was a light, and a guy offering connection to the internet.

I plugged my iPhone into my router, which had buttons on it to dial numbers… and I plugged that into a cable in the car.

Needless to say, it didn’t work… My mind didn’t seem to object, as it often doesn’t in dreams, when it should have been screaming something about wi-fi.

I unplugged and went to leave.

“Hey Buddy, You can’t leave without paying” Said He from the front seat.

I had the idea this guy was going to cause me some grief if I didn’t pay up, he seemed like a pot head, He was probably doing some worse drugs too.

I offered to pay, I had $50 in my wallet, that’d do.

But when he crawled into the back seat, I said.

“Man, you’re in the back seat, who’s driving the car?” Well nobody was driving the car, and nor was I running along side.

But He fell for it and panicked, as He went for the wheel, uttering a profanity, I made a run for it.

I was at the square again, running, and it was broad daylight again. the Chinese Woman saw me and made a run, but was too late.

There were Women everywhere in beautiful dresses which looked like curtains, the lower half, around their legs looked like flower petals, they were lovely.

Oprah was there, right next to me, She was really busy.

I was pleased to see Her, We were friends, so it was rather a relief to find Her.

She entered a building via some sliding glass doors and ascended a flight of stairs, I followed behind.

She went on and on about the things She was doing and the people who She had to meet. I had something to tell her, I felt that it was rather important, but couldn’t get a word in.

When She got to the top of the stairs, She reached a carpeted platform, there was nothing there, A few steps forward would have been death as there was nothing but a drop to the floor below, She was still talking.

I was about five steps below Her, and found that I was hot and completely exhausted.

I couldn’t make it up any higher.

At the top of the stairs was Tom Selleck, Wearing a kilt.

He noticed that I was having a hard time, and lowered a hand for me, which I took.
He just pulled me right up the stairs and onto the platform, which seemed narrower than before, I think it was only a meter across.

I felt like a weak little puppy, I needed a drink and a lay down.

Tom Laid in a sexy pose between Oprah and I.

He said “Do you like this hunky body? Do you wanna fuck it?”
Which surprised me.

I felt dizzy.

I woke up, it was about 4am, and I was very hot.

I got up and grabbed a drink from the fridge, had a pee and went back to bed.


That dream.

20 02 2011

Mum was in bed, it was daylight, and she had the sheets pulled up close around her head, like she was almost hiding, only her face was showing

she looked depressed, her eyes were closed

I asked her “What’s wrong Mum?”

She replied “You don’t love me anymore”

And apart from me trying to counter her suggestion, and her not budging from her case, that was it.

It left me feeling somewhat disturbed all day.

The Meeting

7 09 2010

I find myself in a large room, which could be a school hall, it’s well lit, I’m sitting on the left (if you were on the stage looking at us) in the front row and it looks like there’s about five hundred people seated behind me,

The stage is about two meters off the ground, and looks very basic, it’s probably made of polished pine.

There’s a group of people up there, maybe thirty, they’re huddled together as though they’re having a very informal group photo taken.

The Guy at the back of this group is Cramer from Seinfeld, and the one in the middle is Steve Jobs who is hosting this get together.

It’s certainly nothing like we’d usually expect, it’s very laid back, there’s no video screens or products, it could just be a meeting at a computer club.

Then Cramer yells out “Has anyone heard that joke about the Chicken?” I seem to remember hearing that joke and recall that it was very “off colour”.

There’s mumbling in the audience and some people appear to be really offended, there’s a lot of frowning and shuffling, and then some people begin to get up and leave.

Steve is really annoyed, and marches off the stage into a room on the right.

I feel annoyed at the people leaving, so I start yelling at them about being so prudish and to at least sit down and hear what Steve has to say, but the buggers walk off anyway.

About half the audience remain seated.

I can see Steve walking around in the room near the stage, so I get up and walk over, I ask him if he’s ok, He yells back at me, but unfortunately I forget what he said.

I walk back to my seat and talk to @GumbyRoffo and he asks me if I was the one who asked the audience about the joke, and I say “No, it was Cramer, I was in the audience” and he says “It sounded like something you’d do”.

Then Steve walks out, carrying a beige plastic pointer, and he looks at me with a bit of a smile and gives me a light but firm crack over the head with it, he hits Gumby too.

The End.