The English U

28 04 2018

Whenever I hear this song, I picture a potential video along these lines.

There is a huge, pure white space where long, white marble stairs lead to white figures at the top, they look like people in white, form fitting  body socks or perhaps it’s CGI, They’re all identical. They move in sync with each other, much like the Women from old movies who swam in pools to music.

Their arms are raised above their heads, clapping. Then one takes the lead down the steps, he or she begins to sign the lyrics with their hands as the song is about language.

A teacher sits at a marble desk to the side of the stand, all of her exam papers are blown off her desk and shower the other characters.

At one point, the U is received by two, who reverently carry it up to the top of the stairs and place it, laying flat, on a marble podium and guard it.

The camera showly rises, and the entire platform turns out to be a huge ear, with the U as an ear ring.

The Jacket.

24 04 2018

A few weeks back, I found the most perfect jacket I’ve ever seen on the trustworthy ASOS website, but it had sold out.

So I used Google Image to see if I could find it elsewhere, but it seemed that only ASOS had sold it.

Then I came across another site, it had the jacket, and I wanted it, I wanted it so badly that the following took place.

The calm, rathional part of me was looking at the site going “This is wrong”, but the crazy “Fuck everything, let’s do this!!!” part of me took over.

They had the jacket, further more they had all sizes of the jacket in stock, or so the page said.

Chrome wouldn’t fill in my credit card number, the second hint, nor would they accept PayPal, but I typed my number in anyway.

Pressed send.

The next concern was no e-mail came with a receipt nor advice on when my package might arrive.

Tonight I googled info on the site and found it to be high risk.
I really don’t know why I did this, desperation for a badly wanted item? I rarely ever want something so badly that I go crazy for it.

I could have checked, but I *believed* everything would be ok.

And belief is never any replacement for facts.

Stung yes, but it’s only money, I’m still alive and still here!

It’s not a mid-life crisis, Mildred!

20 04 2018

So I got to 52 and I finally started buying clothes which are a lot fancier than usual, I suppose it’s fine for people to think that I’m having a crisis.

I’ve not been terribly worried about what I put on, some trackie dacks or a pair of jeans, something warm on top.

People aren’t going to see me, I’m rarely seen out, I stay home with the dog and cats, I tap stories into my tablet.

So wearing Target or Big W is about as fancy as I get.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have minded fancier clothes in my youth, I loved the clothing my favourite bands wore, but I had no idea where to get stuff like that, and doubt I could have afforded it if I had known.

But recently I wanted a jacket, a good jacket, something fancy which said “I’m Wolfie, How do you do?” So I took a taxi to the local shopping centre which is packed with clothing shops of all kinds.

The jackets I found said “Ex Millitary” or “Farmer Brown” in shades of black, brown, navy or dark green… Colours which don’t excite my retinas much and certainly don’t say “Wolfie”.

Then a friend told me about Asos, based in England, which has an app whereby we can browse through a huge catalogue of clothing.

“Dorothy was skeptical at first…”

While I didn’t find the exact sort of jacket I wanted, I did find some lovely items which were a damn sight better looking than the claptrap I saw in person at the local shops.

And they took only five days to get to Australia… or less in some cases, which was astonishing. 

So, suddenly I have a wardrobe.

Jackets, jumpers, a shirt, several beanies, a baseball cap and a few other bits and pieces.

I bought the most outrageous pair of pants, black with roses down the legs, I’ve never had anything like that before in my life!

I just missed out on a beautiful hoodie too, but the one I settled for is wonderful, and should be as warm as toast in winter as it has borg lining, which means it’s fluffy inside. I only knew The Borg from Star Trek.

I don’t want this to sound like an ad for Asos, but if something works, it works.
So now, finally, I get to strut my stuff in much fancier gear than I’ve ever had. It’s taken far too many years to get here, but I finally made it.


20 04 2018

I’m not the only one being followed by weirdos, surely?