The thunder down under.

14 02 2018

Every once in a while I get a bit down about how the future turned out and look at videos of cattle.

See, Dad and I, as I’ve mentioned in the past, would often dream of having a hobby farm with a few cows and chooks… And a big, sexy bull in the paddock which we hoped would help keep the ratbags out as well as simply being an amazing pet.

The practicality of owning cattle is another thing entirely, but fantasies are lovely anyway.

Still, I read a lot about cattle and went to see them paraded around the ring at the local show. I’m reasonably good at naming a breed on sight and seem to have the knack of picking the winner before they’re chosen.

I thought I knew pretty much everything, but recently came (pardon the pun) across a thing which has been done for years in cattle breeding which I had no idea about.

If you’re a delicate flower who’s virgin eyes will be ruined by the information that you’re about to receive, then run and watch a nice Disney movie on Netflix and pretend the world is all fairy floss and lollypops.

However if sex, writ large as life, interests and excites you, then lean in closer.

What I had been familiar with was bulls mounting cows in spring, or having them mount another bull and having their semen collected in an artificial vagina, a sort of Fleshlight for bulls.

But…

A bull goes into a crush, has his balls examined, his arse palpated… A fancy word for fisted, and then a probe is inserted, a monster of a thing, and it’s ELECTRIC!

It’s hooked up to an electronic device called an Electro Ejaculator, which slowly ramps up the charge until the bull can’t help but come into a tube geld by the vet.

Once the sample has been taken, the machine is switched off and the bull is let out to wonder what just happened to him.

And I know what you’re thinking, can it be used on Men.

Yes!

You can buy a probe and the required electronics from various sex shops if that’s your bag, but there is also a serious medical version which is used on Men who may have either had cancer, or suffered a spinal injury which makes ejaculation impossible. It might be the only way that he can father a child.

So how was this discovered anyway?

If you’re thinking that a farmer thought “Hrmm I need some bull come, I’ll just shove this electric probe up my bull and…” Well no.

It has quite a morbid history, apparently Men who had been sent to the electric chair to be executed, had ejaculated before death!

Fortunately the voltages used on males of all species are much kinder, everyone lives to tell the tale.

And of course we’ve all heard amusing stories about Aliens snatching people away and probing their behinds, but as this isn’t a conspiracy page, I’ll skip it.

Wolfie Rankin.

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