Misplaced Love.

9 01 2015

I’m getting fed up with the internet, so naturally I’m going to complain about it on the internet, I could also do the big dramatic thing of pulling up roots after telling everybody goodbye, for good… but I won’t.

The internet is my drug, I kind of hate it in some ways, but will always inject more of the stuff into my ever hungry veins.

And yet I’m frustrated with the whole shebang.

I thought for a long time that I could produce work, and put it on the internet, partly for fun, partly to show off what I could do, not that I can do much, I can’t play the guitar, or sing, or write novels (no patience), and partly to entertain others.

I’ve seen people do things and thought that I could do that, and have done much the same thing, but in my own way, and it’s hardly looked at, and I don’t know why, I put lots of work into it, I share it on all the social networks, and yet the most I can ever hope to attain is twenty views.

Am I jealous of others? I hope not, I’m not a jealous person, I really just want a little love if I can, but I do feel annoyed that I can do a lot of work and be all but ignored, while an animated cat with a rainbow coming out of its arse, gets billions of views.

I’m sure I’m not the only one to feel this way, I’m sure there are singers, musos, actors, writers and more, who have put their heart and soul into their work, which might be really good, who are just not, for whatever reason, ever noticed.

I spend a lot of my time on Twitter, What I think I hoped to do was to forge connections with others, so that at some point I’d be a lot less lonely in this world… I really don’t see my work getting me anywhere, nobody wants a 49 year old bloke, who am I kidding? But I thought that somewhere along the line I could make friends who I could probably hang out with in the real world.

Now 99% of the time, it’s really only an issue of distance, if we all lived in the same city then I’m sure I’d be going to a lot of lunches and birthday do’s. but all I’m actually getting from all this tweeting is me chasing my own tail, and I seem to have been doing that for quite a while.

I have been online since the late 80’s, and I think that because I have never been a social animal, that I first used it to find out who I was, and I think in a way I’m still doing that, but I am looking for friendship, I feel like a failure at most things, but I can make friends, except…

I seem to find people to talk to, but then it’s like the power is pulled from the wall.

I can make friends, and am happy to support others, I love doing that.
I want to make things better for others… but I fail at making my own life better.

Yes I am fed up with the internet, it seems to have led me down a one-way street, and I’ve come up against this wall that I cannot ever hope to penetrate.

And I seem to have lost contact with myself too.