When I was at high school, it seemed that most of the other students were bullies, and I hated the place.
I did have three close friends though, but they didn’t stay with me long, one moved out of the area with his family, another was moved to another school… which was probably not such a bad idea, and the other was killed by a truck on his way to school.
I was left with people who were friendly, but they weren’t like the one’s I’d lost, and missed.
Two of them are who I want to talk about.
One, was a year older than me, the other a year younger.
They came from a very poor family, and lived in a house which seemed like it was barely there, and not big enough for the family who lived inside it.
A family member had, at some point, banned television, so the boys would come to school and hear us talking about things we saw on tv, and were left out of the conversation… I admit, I don’t watch tv much at all now, except for iview, but it was the 80s back then, no internet… I live on the internet as most of you know.
This idea to get rid of tv didn’t help the boys one iota, in fact it deprived them of development… yes they could have gone out, they could have done things, but they were shy and reserved as I was… after school, they’d go home, and stay there until they had school again the next day… or monday.
I had television, a VCR and my records, things were being listened to, I had an interest. I also had my pets who were always, and still are, considered family members.
Mum took me out to socialise, I was shy too, and would only go out with my parents, it would either be a drive to a country market, or a day out to one of the restaurants in the Dandenongs, the local hills just on the outskirts of Melbourne.
I was shy anyway, but had been made worse by the bullying I got at high-school, I should have got out of there earlier, but I didn’t have the nous to do so at the time.
I needed a mentor, or a close friend I could rely on, but didn’t have that, so coped the best I could.
The boys and another friend would come here on the weekend, and I would record music for them, and I mean vinyl to cassette, which meant we would listen to the records as we recorded them.
The older boy was quite eccentric, for instance, one day at school, it was red hot, and we were all in shorts or t-shirts, but not he, he wore his full uniform, with jumper on, and a leather jacket over that, done right up to the neck.
I remember the PE teacher looking at him and almost pleading with him to at least undo a few buttons.
This kid didn’t even look hot, or sweat.
Anyway, I could talk about them for ages, but I want to come forward to now.
The younger of the two comes to visit me, and it frustrates me, because although he’s ok, I only just barely see him as a friend, the two would seem to sit just at the level of my annoyance, sometimes if I could just scream at them it would help… I did tell the other to bugger off once.
The older brother, I should say, has since died.
This leaves the younger with very little to do, and therefore, he seems to have got it into his mind to come over, since what we have in common is dead family members.
This kind of annoys me, as I feel I have stuff to do, and want to keep doing it.
I like company, but what I want is to be with someone who understands me, someone who gets it, this guy doesn’t get it.
I have a friend who I can talk about anything with, including the full spectrum of my sexuality, and he doesn’t flinch, but then I know his too and his doesn’t bother me either.
But this guy is still, somehow a nervy little fourteen year old boy who titters about anatomy and “poofters” and prostitutes.
and I’m a bit sick of it.
I think the next time he does, I’m just going to floor him with “Hey, I’ve sucked a cock, and I’ve had mine sucked many times… yes, by MEN!”
I’m not sure what that will do, he might just giggle and blush, he might go home and not return, I dunno.
And I don’t want to talk about Maturity, I’d like to think that I’m still a playful pup most of the time, even though I’m really a tired old dog, No, Worrying about maturity is the domain of fourteen year old girls, nobody gives a shit about maturity once you’re older.
Is this guy a friend, or do I just feel sorry for him and tolerate him? I think it’s mainly the latter.