The Enema

25 08 2014

As most of you know, a lot of people won’t write about certain subjects, but I LOVE talking about certain subjects because that’s my nature.

I have a story from what happened tonight which may at first sound dreadful, but I think by the end you’ll be chuckling.

You see, as a part of my uncerative colitis (UC) treatment, I have to have enemas each night.

Now I got my medication a while back, but I thought that I might hold back till the antibiotic meds were finished, as they are now.

So I have these pills and enema bottles.

I’d just had a shower, laid a towel where my bottom would be as I thought it could potentially get messy, and put Smooth FM on, a soft pop music station, hereby known as “Music to have enemas by”.

So I thought the bottles beak would be pushed up my clacker, I’d “try” to lay there for the 30 minutes they’d requested on the bottle… I was sure I’d run madly to the lav at the three minute mark, but it wasn’t going to happen.

All ready for this, I got myself onto the bed, just as Andrew Daddo said that it was 7:30pm and we should just lay back and relax, He’d speak again at 8pm”

30 minutes of music, perfect!

I pushed the bottle up inside and squeezed the contents inside of me.

There were a few wobbly moments, and then I settled in to listen to Michael Jackson, The Carpenters and others.

I was really comfortable, a few tiny anxious moments, but nothing to worry about.

And then I heard Andrew Daddo speaking, and got up to go to the loo, not because of him, but because it was clearly 8pm.

The trouble was I was really comfy, I was warm, and Andrews voice and his music was soothing, I thought I could just lay there all night. Yeah I’m taking the piss a bit, but I was comfy, and liked the music, OK, Andrew was ok too.

BTW: I think there were, what? Eight Daddo brothers? and I think at least five worked in TV or Radio.

Anyway I got up, and walked… *walked* calmly to the lavatory, the dunny, the thunderbox…. and sat gently on the throne, and squeezed.

I had expected to land hard on the seat, and COWABUNGA!, but no, it was almost Regal, Her Majesty would have approved.

I squeeeeeeeezed again, and heard a tiny drip.

I frowned, this was weird, this wasn’t what I had expected at all.

And then drip drip drip drip drip… and a dainty fart.

I examined the bowl, and all I saw was some thick white fluid floating on the surface.

Now I’m sure many of you who follow me have already conjured up all sorts of things in your dirty dirty minds, but it was just enema fluid, honest.

So I did a tiny amount of paper work, and that was that, it wasn’t bad at all, I feel almost Norsca Fresh.

It did leave me a little perplexed though.

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