Why yes, that’s me on that shirt.

31 03 2013

Why yes, that’s me on that shirt.

Some people like my logo enough to wear it out, and if you consider yourself to be one of those people, then you may be interested to know where to get the shirt.

It’s on Redbubble with all my other photos and things (You can get some really nice photos I’ve taken over the years as prints, posters or postcards).

If you buy the shirt, I recommend a brown one.

Wolfie!

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Easter

29 03 2013

I don’t get it.

So there’s this guy called Jesus and his Dad is God.

And Jesus says Dad, This is going to fucking hurt like shit, but forgive the stupid bastards because they’re a sheep short of a flock, so just let them go.

And God goes “Ok Son, Whatever”

What the fuck?

If I was God, I would have roasted the buggers right there on the spot, Jesus Fucking… oh wait… But yeah, There would have been Hell to pay.

I would have zapped their arses and made their balls drop off, that’d show them, and then I’d roast them, Nobody would be nailing MY Son to a fucking cross.

The only thing that might have stopped me would’ve been Mrs God.

“Mother, they’re nailing our Son to a fucking cross, I’m going to fuck some shit up royally”

“Now Now Dear, Jesus is just playing with his weird friends, you know how kids are”

“But Dear, I don’t like it, I never did any of that shit in my day, I’m putting a stop to it”

“No you won’t, you’ll keep out of it, That Boy is big enough and old enough to know right from wrong and if he does the wrong thing then it won’t be any skin off our noses”

“But but, nails and shit”

“NO, Just sit in your chair and shut up”

“Yes dear… *mumblemumble* jesus christ”

Wolfie!





No Mum, I’m not going to Church.

28 03 2013

Mum, You make me go to School and despite the bullies who threaten me daily, I go, because legally I have to, and because you make me.

So I suffer through it from Monday to Friday

But the weekend is mine, Mother.

If you want to me to go somewhere to learn to be a Naturalist, an Astronomer or to learn to play an instrument, that might be ok.

But you are not wasting my Sundays, by sending me off somewhere to learn bullshit, because that’s all it is, Mother… Bullshit.

And if that offends you so much that you’re going to threaten me with that old chestnut “I’ll pack your bags and throw you out” line, then come on Mother, I’ll help you pack those bags right now.

Wolfie!

***

I’m sure people will read this and think My Mum was one of those horrible religious types, she really wasn’t, but she did have a religious upbringing (she was brain washed). My older Sister went to Sunday school, and I think Mum just wanted to keep up tradition somehow.

She had no gripes with anything David Attenborough said about evolution and had given it a little thought.

When she was mad at me she would sometimes let fly with “You’re a heathen like your bloody father” Poor Dad, he really did have more sense in this regard, but again, Mum had her doubts.

She would sometimes threaten to pack my bags and send me away, but she wouldn’t have.

I once lost my train ticket in the city and the phones had been vandalised at the station, I had to walk all the way back to school before I could even phone her… this was the 80’s. I found her in tears, thinking something had happened to me.

So where did this come from?

It’s fictional, I was letting off some steam in the kitchen just before, thinking about what I should have said back then, only I couldn’t have… I wasn’t as articulate as I am now, and I generally felt powerless.

If I could have faced her with this, she would have backed down, and we probably would have used those spare days to go to the country, or to have lunch in the hills, or to visit relatives.

Much more productive really, than going to church, Heck, staying at home watching cartoons on tv is more productive than going to church, you can learn valuable stuff, like Never buy Acme products and The spooky swamp creature is probably some twit wearing a mask.

No, Mum wasn’t the baddie, but I wish we’d had this conversation back then.

 





Sex Museum

27 03 2013

I just went to someone elses blog, where they had a story on a sex museum, which was basically pre-historic dildos and fleshlights.

The writer seemed to suggest that he felt it was a bit shocking, fair enough, but I’ve personally never been bothered with sex, and have never understood why naked bodies or a bare nipple offends anyone.

I have a list of things which offend me far more… Cancer, Tony Abbott, Nuclear Energy, Rupert Murdoch, War, Torture, Climate Change, Animal Cruelty and many other things besides, but sex, nah.

Years ago I knew someone who had Percheron horses, these horses, not surprisingly, had huge penises. and what he did was work out a way to take a mould from the penis, and then make a dildo out of that.

The local sex shop was interested in these and he managed to sell quite a few.

He once joked that he would make a couple of brass ones to put at the end of his stairs.

It’s all harmless stuff.

Wolfie!





Why are some celebrities so bad at Twitter?

26 03 2013

A friend of mine asked this question on Twitter and I know others wonder about this too.

So, here’s a bunch of thoughts I have on the subject, for both celebrity and follower.

I’m a veteran, internet user, I started using it in the 90s, and I’ve seen a lot of changes.

One of the things I remember most is how old media (Radio/TV/Newspapers) made it seem as though the only people who ever used the internet were geeks or paedophiles.

While much has changed, their opinion of us hasn’t changed all that much, despite them also having webpages now. 😉

Old media have brainwashed a whole generation of potential internet users into thinking “the internet is bad” while Newspapers and Television “are reliable” which as many of you realise by now is utter bullshit, Phone Hacking anyone?

Celebrities are forced online by their record company but then feel a bit creepy about having to interact with “creepy people”, Thanks for nothing, Rupert.

Some celebs think they haven’t got time for social media, but it really doesn’t take that long to do, Just knock out a few tweets while waiting at the dentist, even if it’s only “Waiting at the dentist sucks”, Consider it therapy.

What happens though if you’re absolutely awesome and have 100,000 followers?

This is easy, Think of Twitter as your radio station, and think about how many people are listeners, and out of all those people, think about how many would phone in to say hello, not many will, most are just there to be entertained by your soothing voice, your jokes and your music, and that’s fine.

Out of all those who tweet many will be the complimentary or complaining types, They’ll tell you they love you very much and want to have your babies, and that’s lovely, send a friendly hello to them occasionally.

The rest will ask interesting questions or even try to entertain you, follow these, these will be your regulars, I have regulars, regulars are cool, and it’s these people who will also prove most helpful to you.

Never, Never ask to be followed, This is massively important and applies to everybody equally. Whether you’re followed or not doesn’t matter a jot, it’s like a score in a computer game, a bunch of numbers, it’s nothing.

There are celebs who won’t follow you but who will still happily reply, They may not invite you to big parties but will “stick their head over your garden fence” and start a nice conversation about cucumbers, what’s wrong with that?

Bare in mind that you may not like some Writers, Actors or Musicians for their art, but they may be awesome on Twitter, it happens.

There are some celebs who are great at their art, but for some reason cannot get the hang of social networks, and simply feel awkward and uncomfortable. They sort of want to be involved but feel a bit of a failure online. This could be due to feeling introverted or just not all that good with technology.

I do understand the bit about being introverted. I was a DJ who loved his work, but would come home and relax with my Parents and my Dog, it was enough.

I’m not too bothered by the technology bit, but when I started I needed a lot of help, and sometimes still need it.  There’s a perception among people who don’t use computers that people who do use computers know everything there is to know about them, the truth is we don’t, and often when we’re stuck, we use Google to find a solution.

I have been helping people with computers and the internet for some time, Including helping people understand the virtual world of “Second Life” on ABC Island,where I was a kind of moderator, and getting people settled in on other types of social media, like Twitter.

If you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to drop me a line, and please, if you are having social media problems, contact me and we’ll sort it out.

Wolfie!





Australians

25 03 2013

When I lived with Mum and Dad, there were these times when Dad would come home from work, waving his arms around angrily, his loud, booming voice filling the house with complaints about some new idea which was about to be put into practice which would ruin everything.

He hadn’t read anything, but Bill or Snowy said that’s how it was, so that’s how it must be.

Dad, like many people, wouldn’t sit down and read in order to sort fact from hearsay.

Mum would get to a point where she would put her hand up and say “Hang on!” and at this point, she’d check the official letter which she had received earlier.

The glasses would go on and she’d read it, and sometimes she’d read it again.

Then she’d declare “That’s not what this says at all!”

And Dad would say “But Snowy said, and if He said it’s right, then, it’s prob…”

Mum was staring at him as if thinking “You great twit”… she’d point at the paper and say “That’s not what this says”.

Dad would mumble and walk out of the room, plainly defeated, but at the same time, probably pleased he was wrong and therefore didn’t need to be so upset.

I think this is how most Australians are, Happy to be told rubbish and accept it as truth, rather than spend time looking at the facts.

Such as that awful little truth that our economy is ripping along nicely thanks, we’re not Greece or the UK and we’re doing better than the US, it’s all there in black and white, but will Aussies check?

No, they’d rather be told things by the Murdoch owned news company (Snowy?) and accept that as truth.

When Abbott is Prime Minister of Australia, these will be the people to thank for it.

Wolfie!





Attention

25 03 2013

I found myself in a situation where a friend was a bit miffed with me, not seeing their tweets on twitter.

Please understand that I receive new tweets at the rate of about one every two seconds, from friends and people or organisations which I follow.

Unless the tweets are directed at me, there is a possibility that I may miss them, particularly if they are posted during the time I’m asleep or doing something which doesn’t require a computer.

I really do want to stay in the loop, particularly when it involves friends.

So please tap me on the shoulder if you want my attention, I really don’t want to miss the important stuff either.

Thanks.