Being Boring.

28 01 2013
Kids typing “I’m so bored” on twitter, holy shit.

I survived the 70s, B&W TV with Four Stations and AM Radio.

You’ve got THE INTERNET now,


Can’t you arsehats find anything online to keep you amused?
Holy fucking shit!

Whenever I see “I’m so bored” on twitter I feel a strong urge to bitchslap whoever typed it.

Tears for Fears

23 01 2013

A lot of people think the Tears for Fears version of “Mad World” is too boppy, but I would like to explain how I think the mood of it works.

There was a sound at that time, which was possibly created by Fun Boy Three, for “The Lunatics have taken over the Asylum”. and I think Tears for Fears used a similar sound for “Mad World”.

The sound evoked images of Asylums, Madness, Padded cells, Old Matrons with veils and a poor person who was crying out via his song.

It dripped with “Insanity”, and I visualised a sort of David Bowie “Ashes to Ashes” kind of thing.

I think those of us who were there in the early 80s understood what the sound meant.

All I get from the Gary Jules version is a bloke moping to himself in his room somewhere.


The Patriot

22 01 2013

It’s Australia Day soon, and I don’t really care for it.

I’m not Patriotic, I’m not one of those people who wrap themselves in a flag and somehow think they’re superior to everyone else.

When I was a kid, Mum was aware of certain Mothers who would be asked to come to the office to discuss a problem child.

“Oh No, Not MY little boy, You see He’s a perfect little angel, He’d never do anything like that, It must’ve been the child sitting next to him” they’d say.

Patriotism is just that, an imagined perfection in our own culture, it blinds people to ones own problems, which is a shame, because we know that if someone can admit they have a problem, then they can do something about improving themselves.

Oh look, I do love the country, I especially love the natural aspects of it, I’m just not, and never will be, a patriot.

Good Wolves Do! – Part II, The Second Coming.

7 01 2013

Now, If you’ve read the first part, you know what this is all about. If not, there’s Naughty Bits as Kenny Everett used to say, so don’t say you weren’t warned.

I also have a serious thought for Men to consider, which I’ll write about a bit later.

Part of me was egging on another part of me to try the Naughty Boy out again, but the conservative part of me (yes I have one) was saying things like “It’s a bit scary and weird, and I’m not sure that we should be doing it” while the other bit was “C’mon maaaan, it’s like, cool and shit, it’s 2013, shouldn’t we be, like, you know, over the *wriggles fingers* shrouded homophobia?”

Yeah, and you know, sometimes I think that’s what a big chunk of homophobia is, the male body being far too taboo to discuss… I mean periods, lactation, ovulation etc is fine to discuss openly, but mention ejaculation and there’s a gasp.

So I gave in to my animal desires, or to put it more accurately, I thought I’d have another shot.

Got into bed, condom on the doo-dah (the vibrator, not my dick) lubed up and went for it, oh so very very slowly. But as with the night before, I couldn’t get it all the way in… and began feeling quite frustrated with the whole thing when…

Hello, what’s this?

My little soldier was standing to attention, and I wasn’t even really doing anything, it was just… it was a bit like when I was in the bath that time as a kid and I was staring at it, and it went up, for the first time ever and I wondered why and how it had happened.

To be honest, although my body was vibrating a bit, I wasn’t feeling all that much, probably because it still wasn’t all the way inside, and yet… there was an obvious physical response in my erect form before me.

What’s the name of that band?… Pearl Jam?… Yes, that’s the one… Result!

So, interesting, yes, but mind blowing… no.

Would I do it again?… probably, we’ll see.

Anyway, I cleaned up and I have to say, it loosened me up a bit. I had been feeling a bit grumpy today, but now I feel fine thank you, so this in itself is a nice reward.

Now, I had something to say about Men’s bodies…

Fellas, you know about the prostate and how it’s checked, and many of you who haven’t had it done, fear having it checked, partly because it IS uncomfortable (but isn’t too bad). partly because some men are worried it will turn them Gay… it doesn’t, and partly because of the indignity… yes, there’s some of that but your Doctor won’t be bragging about it down the pub and it could save your life.

Consider this, you’re at the doctors, you’re laying on the table with your pants down, and the doctor lubes up… then he pushes his whole finger up there and has a bit of a feel around.

You have no control over anything, the speed that he puts it up there, or the depth… you grit your teeth and hope it’s over pretty quickly, it usually doesn’t take much more than twenty seconds.

Look, get yourself a toy like mine, get into bed on a night you’re alone and use the toy, it’s up to you how far it goes in, and how long it stays in, and the toy is a little thicker than a finger.

Doesn’t it make sense that if the toy becomes quite ordinary in your mind, that when the time comes to be checked by the doctor, you’ll think a finger is nothing and just get your check and walk out feeling like it was no bother at all?

I think it’s the way to go.

If you are happily married, perhaps show this post to your wife and ask her what she thinks. (Otherwise items may be found by her and that might cause some tension).

And that is that.


Good Wolves Do!

5 01 2013

This post is part medical and part sexual, I’ve decided to write it because it may not have been documented before and I’m sure that there are people who have wondered, I hope this post helps them.

I’m going to be, as always, very direct and honest, if there’s something here that you feel you cannot face then please tune out now.

As you may be aware, I’m a cancer survivor. I had cancer in the low area of my rectum, which in short had been removed, and I had Chemo and Radiation after that… If you want to read more about my cancer, I have covered it numerous times here, so just go back and you’ll find full stories on it and references to it in other stories.

To be specific, the operation I had was an “ultra-low anterior resection” I have been told by my surgeon and doctor that most of the bowel remains intact, about 12cm was removed.

After the operation and following treatments, I became very concerned with the way my body functioned, I wasn’t sure if I was physically normal or not, my bottom worried me.

I had never thought of my bum as sexual, actually I never thought anyones bottom was. If I’m looking at porn, and there’s a shot of a bottom I’ll rarely be that excited about it.

I was kind of afraid of my bottom after the surgery, in much the same way as you may not want to sit in a chair after hearing that  someones Aunt died in it.

I felt I had to get over it, it was my body, and I couldn’t keep feeling like bits of it were wrong, so I thought I’d do something about it, would using a dildo help me?

I did some reading online and found out about prostate massagers, one of those may do the trick.

I ordered the Aneros prostate massager which turned out to be a rather hard piece of plastic which didn’t vibrate, as I assumed it would.

Well I tried to get it in, a fair few times, but failed, I could only get it to go in part of the way.

A friend of mine who was experienced in these matters asked me if he could have a look at it, when he saw how solid it was he winced, and I knew that I should try something else.

Years ago a friend bought me a Fleshlight, which I liked (they’re very good, except the cleanup later, sucks… so I’d much rather use the hand)… Anyway, I was on their website and saw another type of prostate massager called the “Naughty-Boy”, it was soft, pliable and did vibrate.

I should add here that I’ve had things which vibrate before and found they didn’t do a lot for me, and wondered if vibrating things may be more a Womans fancy than a Mans.

There was a video of someone demonstrating the vibrator (not using it) and it looked like what I might be after.

So I found a local distributor in Australia and ordered it.

Now some of you may be thinking that only gay guys stick things up their bottoms, that probably isn’t the case anymore, much like how a lot of Men refused to wear aftershave in the 70s, because they thought that was gay. I identify as Omnisexual. (I don’t like the sound of “Pansexual” it sounds like I’m rooting a boy who can really fly). Look, if you’re straight and find a vibrator up the clacker helps you get off, do it!

So it came today… but I didn’t, well, not with that anyway.

I think it went in a lot further than the Aneros, but I couldn’t get past “The knot”, it has a bulge down near the end of it.

I put the vibrator on though and there were moments where things felt rather damn nice.

I don’t know if I couldn’t get it in because of my modified anatomy, or because I was too timid… would pushing it all the way in cause me any sort of damage, that was the concern going through my mind.

I feel that if I could manage it, that I’d feel that much more at ease with my body.

Maybe it’s silly, I don’t know, but there’s some psychology here which I want to clear out, so I wanted to try.


Warning: These links contain sexual imagery.

Aneros, Fleshlight, Naughty-Boy

Ruining a mozzies evening

4 01 2013

Catching a mozzie while laying in your bed in the dark, is difficult, a person tends to whack away at the air and rarely gets anywhere… but if you really cannot get out of bed and get the fly spray, or if you have run out, here’s a method I’ve come up with… sometimes it actually works.

Pull the sheet up around your neck, so that the mozzie is attracted to your head, your arms should remain under the sheets… ready to spring the trap.

Hold the sheet in a way that you can pull it up over your head as quickly as possible.

Wait for the mozzie to approach, I find it’s best to bide your time and let it get as close as possible.

Get your legs into a position where you can push the blankets up quickly.

When the mozzie buzzes your ear, lift the sheet up and at the same time lift up your legs to form a tent in the bedclothes… this produces a vacuum effect, which hopefully sucks the mozzie in under the sheet.

By this time you should have also pulled the sheet over your head and be under the sheet.

You may hear a mozzie in panic, if you do, you have almost won.

Do not lift the sheet up, hold it down and push your head out, so that it’s almost like pushing your head through a tight t-shirt.

Then whack the bedclothes.

The mozzie is now dead, sleep well.

Human hypocrisy

1 01 2013

So I’m at Franks place and we’re having a talk at the table.

Frank is a farmer, We’re at his farm where he raises cattle.

The discussion swings around to people who are turned on by animals.

I knew an old bloke once who told me that he was in love with his horses, he spent every spare minute he had with them, took great care of them, and yes, sex was involved.

I once asked him if he thought his Mother knew about it, and he suspected she did, because after all, Mothers tend to know things… But she let him be just the same.

Frank had heard about it, “it goes on but isn’t talked about much” He said.

He disagreed with it because a horse or a cow can’t tell you what it wants. He felt it wouldn’t be so bad if the animal could agree to it in the same way a human could, it wasn’t consensual and that’s what made it wrong.

But I thought that if that was the case, would a Swedish speaking Woman think it was wrong to have sex with a Greek speaking man? is language any barrier to sex?

Animals communicate their feelings to people, My dog tells me when she’s hungry or wants a walk, or whether she’s scared or happy, I know she dislikes a bath but tolerates it anyway.

Later I thought about Franks cattle, He had recently had rubber bands put around the bull calves scrotums, so that their balls would drop off so their bodies wouldn’t be full of testosterone, which would make their meat tough.

How would a young bullock feel about being someones sunday roast?

I wondered where the article of consent was there?