I’m not sure why or when it appeared, but as a child, I had a Monster… And his name was Speedy.
Speedy was a big bully.
He used to fill my dreams with pranks like making the taps work in strange ways, or making light bulbs fill with water, or turning the lights off and leaving me in the dark with just him and I.
And He would threaten to eat me, in that polite sort of tone that He had, and I used to have to beg my way out of it until the dream ended.
“Go to the fridge” I’d suggest. “There’s plenty of food in there”
But No, Speedy was pretty sure he wanted to eat me instead, Speedy was an Arsehole.
I don’t really know what Speedy looked like, but he lived inside the switch of the Electric Blanket.
Sometimes I’d be laying in bed and it was as though someone had turned on the Worlds Biggest Vacuum cleaner and was trying to suck me up… I had to hold onto the sheets for dear life.
One day he appeared as a giant raspberry jelly beside my bed, a sort of gay version of “The Blob”.
Then one fateful day, He did it, He sucked me into the Electric Blanket control, and there I was in total darkness, although I could see Him and I quite plainly.
Speedy was happy, and this time he was going to eat me for sure.
“I’ll just have to get some mustard” He said.
But Speedy had made one fatal error.
He looked just like a giant salad roll, which happened to be one on MY Favourites.
And that was the end of Speedy.