Eight spiders a year

15 03 2012

Every so often I come across this “Fact” about people eating at least eight spiders a year on average, and people will recite it without thinking.

I imagine a scientist in a white lab coat, standing beside a persons bed, clipboard ready, watching someone as they sleep, every night for a whole year.

“Oops, there goes another one” *writes it down*

It is of course more likely that you will eat bits of insects which have been milled into bread or your cereal… or parts of bees which are often found in honey which has been taken directly from the hive.

And yes I have woken up with a strand of web across my face now and then.

But seriously, who came up with “eight spiders a year”?


Toilets, We’re doing it wrong.

7 03 2012

Toilets are badly designed.

At least from a Mans perspective, Like a dog, a Man was made to pee on trees, not squat on the ground.

So your standard toilet WILL cause splashing, which will annoy women, on top of the old argument about  how the seat should be positioned.

The standard toilet also wastes lots of water.

Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think we should have something for the males to use when we go to the toilet.

And I think it should look like this.

A small bowl on the wall, at about penis height, it’s a bit larger than a coffee cup, and we can stand and put the end of our penis into this and pee, comfortably, without causing a mess.

When it flushes, it uses about a cup of water to do so.

Because it’s just pee and water, then the fluid could be piped out to the citrus trees in the garden, rather than go down the sewer where it’s wasted. 

and the trees would love it.

The unit would be quick and easy to clean.

I’ve had this idea for many years, some think it’s a joke but I feel it’s entirely practical.

I feel that blokes and standard toilets just don’t go together well at all, unless we’re sitting…

Either we change, and stop the stupid Woman Vs Man arguments now, or engineer a proper toilet for the fellas which is clean, at the proper height, uses less water per flush and is good for the environment.




An essay on what I did on my holidays *sigh*

6 03 2012

The first day on the return to School was always the same.

The Teacher would say “Write me an essay about what you did on your holidays” and then there’d be a collective sigh from the class.

Years later, when I found out that I actually liked writing, I began to understand that the reason kids hate writing about their holidays is because they don’t enjoy writing, particularly if spelling isn’t easy… but also because most of us think our holidays were “boring”.

Emily thinks she didn’t do anything interesting, despite the fact that She spent a weekend with her Gran who is a well known pianist and very funny… She thinks of Jim, who spent two weeks in Italy… Despite the fact that Jim thought that swimming and sitting on the beach at his grandfathers home was “boring”, and He thinks of Kate, Who got to spend two weeks at home, with her friends, watching videos… despite the fact that Kate was actually bored out of her wits because it rained for two weeks and she didn’t get to go anywhere. (although friends stayed overnight a few times).

And this is what Teachers must raise with Children, our perspectives are always different, and we often think our own lives are a lot less glorious than the lives of others.

Now that’s settled, I want to talk about my holiday… and although my eleven year old self may sigh, I’m actually quite happy to write about it.

I got up relatively early, my bags were already packed and I had a shower.

I fed Vicky before I left and got Katie ready.

Deb turned up early, She’s turned up ready to take me to Her place, in her car. The drive would be something like four hours to the south east of our state, heading for a place which is somewhere near Heyfield in Victoria.

I had been telling Katie, My Malamute, that we would be going out in the car soon, and I think it did get into her doggy mind that she was going somewhere, and she was very keen to get into the car for a ride.

We did a few local things first.

Deb had been hanging out for a Turkish Delight Gelati at the Gelati shop (No spell checker, it’s “Gelati” here in oz, kindly piss off). But I also wanted to drop off a photo for a local photo competition, in Seddon, so we did that, then drove to Yarraville… but the shop was closed, Deb wasn’t happy.

But she did buy some small cakes at Heather Dell, a shop which has been there for decades, going back to when Mum was a kid.

Some people came out of the op shop and started asking me all the usual questions about Malamutes, I don’t mind, it happens all the time, how could anyone who loves dogs not want to talk to Katie? I am very lucky to have her.

We went back to the car and set off

We drove for about an hour, and then stopped at a big servo which had almost any sort of take-away hidden away inside it, No truckie would go hungry there.

I noted that they even sold soft porn DVDs.

I had a chicken sandwich there, and a juice.

Katie had a pee, and was much happier.

I don’t recall what Deb had, but we all had something good, and that was the main thing.

Then we piled into the car and continued.

*** Sorry dear reader, but I was very tired and fell asleep.


We continued on to Moe, Which is South-East Victoria, sort of… lots of hills and trees and houses, quite an active small city with a lot of shops.

We stopped for peeing and dropoffs and pick ups and I tweeted a message to Scuzzy that we were nearby and would be at his place in about 30 minutes.

I had known Scuzzi for quite a while, mainly via Second Life, But we’d never laid eyes on each other for real, so this would be interesting.

He tweeted back that He wasn’t expecting company and tore off to do some cleaning.

We drove off, and Deb showed me all the sights of Moe and the Shops, there were a lot of shops, it appeared to me that if you lived in Moe, then you wouldn’t have gone without. It was probably quite a nice place to live.

Confusingly, there was a shop at called Maccas, which wasn’t a Maccas at all… but something else. (Aussies call McDonalds “Maccas”).

We drove for another half an our and found a particular farm gate… Deb stopped and paused, then remembered I was a city boy, and opened the gate herself… I promised to do it on the way out.

There was this, and I’m hesitant to call it this, “road” leading through into the bush, into a gully… it was covered in what may have been quartz, and was full of potholes and bits which scraped the base of Debs car… this was not a place for your standard vehicle, a four wheel drive was what was needed here.

Katie braced herself in the back, and for a moment there was a scary bit where I thought we were going to go off the side of the cliff, but we didn’t.

We came to a separation of the track, one side leading up the hill, and the other down.

We decided to go up, and came to a run down home with lots of glass windows, but no wonder, the view was magnificent. as Deb went knocking on the home, I went outside and took a number of photos, which I made into a panorama once I got home.

I tweeted Scuzzi again, we’d gone up instead of down… oh well, back in the car we got and slowly wended our way down the track.

Scuzzi lived with his dog in a huge concrete house overlooking the lake, it seemed a strange place for a home, but excellent if you needed peace and quiet.

Scuzzi welcomed us, it was nice to see him… He was very informal, which was great because I don’t have a formal bone in my body either, old hippy that I am, and He welcomed Katie too.

Now Katie was looking a bit distressed, and I was thinking that it was just Her finding herself in a strange house… I really should have thought about her more.

Deb, Scuzzi and I sat around the table, and had a cup of tea and a few small cakes which She’d bought in Yarraville (near me) before we set off.

Then katie came romping into the room like a silly puppy, and I realised what had happened before the others had.

Katie had taken a dump inside the house, and it wasn’t a little dump, it looked as though an elephant had left it there.

Scuzzi handed me a fire shovel and I scooped it up and raced it outside, It was cleaned up quickly and forgiven, but still, I really hadn’t been paying attention to Katies body language, She had been in the car for quite a while and was quite agitated once she got out and I had taken her inside Scuzzis home (fearing snakes) too soon.

It was my fault.

*** I’ll write more later ***



Plugging into the brain

5 03 2012

It’s a concept which has been a part of science fiction for a long time, but it has made me wonder lately if it might be possible.

That if there is a place, a port, on the head which might connect with the brain, to input audio or visual data… not only so the blind could see or the deaf might hear, but also for entertainment purposes. Imagine having the purest stereo sound entering your head, which completely bypasses your ears. You could have it as loud as you liked, but nobody would hear it and as a bonus, it would never damage your hearing.

Visually, it could give you direct information such as directions, without the need to operate and look at a screen, You would never need to take your eyes off the road.

And as for movies, it would be like having the biggest screen imaginable.

Fine, it’s a nice dream, but let’s be practical.

The brain is supposed to be highly adaptable, so what if a port could be grown?

What if, for instance, you could wear a device which had a slight charge or vibration, on a particular place on the skull, the charge or vibration would match the frequency of music… and although you couldn’t hear the music now… what if after so many months, your brain began to register the slight buzz or tingle as audio data?

Yes, it probably wouldn’t work, and if it did, what if your brain chose to interpret the input as visual data or pain?

I’m just the dreamer of the dream, but when a scientist starts to consider the possibility too, things can change from dream, into reality.

In the 80’s we didn’t have phones that could slip into our pockets, at the time it was quite impossible, and yet similar devices were seen in Star Trek or 2001 a Space Odyssey.

So is this idea possible?