Ones personal oddness.

15 02 2012

Finding yourself isn’t always an easy journey, you have to unlearn a lot of stuff, and go with your feelings… which is difficult because we have these pressures put upon us to “act normal” by society, and we cling to that.

At least that’s how I arrived here, which I’m sure isn’t the end of the road by any means.

I never wanted to be normal, I’ve always thought that normal was another word for boring.
and none of us want to be boring, do we?

I am one of those people who feel completely out of place, I sort of get around thinking “What the fuck?” although I didn’t really know that until fairly recently.

I’ve always been an outsider, or an observer, and rarely “got involved”.
Yes fine, I’m involved with the online community, but that still allows me to be reclusive.

Regurgitator wrote a song called “Song formerly known as” and if you play that, you’ll get a very good description of the kind of person I am.

I’m an introvert, I like peace and quiet, I never work well in a team.

I do things because I want to, and very rarely because I have to, unless it’s something serious which needs attending to… If it’s for Katie or Vicky, I’ll do it as swiftly as possible.

My Sister wanted to know why I wasn’t interested in getting married, and it was mostly because I just could never be a Dad who wakes up at 7:30am and gets the kids off to school, and takes them to sports or whatever… I can’t operate like that, I’d be a very bad parent, so I’d really rather not be one at all.

I think I let people think I’m gay, I am a bit, but I can’t stick the label on myself… the fact is that I feel horribly out of place, being human.

I don’t think I am, really, Human that is.

My spirit or whatever, appears to have got stuck inside the wrong species, and the truth is that at times I can feel really depressed about it. because I’d like to be in love and do all the things my feelings crave, but I cannot… it’s just not possible this time around.

I side with the Furries even though I know I’m Therian, but the Furries understand and I’m welcome to be with them, and I like them, but I still feel horribly out of place.

A fursuit seems like something which would help, but it would be a bit like building a pretend TARDIS, initially lovely, but it wouldn’t really work, of course… and I wouldn’t expect it to either… but it wouldn’t work, you understand.

When I started using social networks, I was concerned about what others might say… others had confined themselves to furry venues, and while I can understand that, I just found it too restricting, I didn’t just want to speak to people because they were furry, there are many people I like who are simply not furry in the least, and I wanted to converse with them too.

So no furry social network has worked for me, I’ve tried them all, with limited success.

One of the things I love to do is make someone happy, there’s not nearly enough joy in the world, so if I can give someone a bit of a laugh, or a hug, or to listen to them when they’re down, I will. I’m a good doggie, I am 😉

Meeting people in the park or a cafe is my way of meeting people, often after I’ve met them online. Yes I am reclusive, but I genuinely do like people… but I want to be somewhere quiet with them, and talk about life.

I don’t like crowds or loud music and avoid both with a passion.

One of the reasons I was a radio DJ was that I could sit in a room by myself and play music, I’m fine with the idea of thousands of potential listeners, that has never bothered me, but I couldn’t possibly do live television.

I prefer being with my dog the most, out of anything, which I think you will have gathered from my photos.

I’m an Athiest, I don’t like religion… mainly because of the hate and bigotry which goes along with it.

If there’s a God, He/She/It can stick it, I’m not interested in them, I’m not a good person for some invisible person in the sky, I’m good because it makes me happy, and it makes others happy too, which is lovely.

Although I don’t really think there’s more after this, I would love another go, and to really be myself and have a good, full life, rather than this edited down version which I’m not terribly fond of.

I’m waiting for something, I’m not sure what, but I am, I have been for a very long time.




One response

15 02 2012
Wolfie Rankin

Footnote: Apart from a few random idiots, nobody really gave a rats about my furryness, in fact many of my followers encourage it… and I’m quite happy to play, it brings me closer to my real self.

But “Big Bad Wolfie” ahh well, we all have our darker, moodier side, don’t we?

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