Foreskin

8 01 2012

To those who have sadly lost it, who are straight, and to those of the opposite sex who have only known circumcised Men, The foreskin is this mysterious thing which people don’t tend to talk about much.

I discovered that I almost got the snip as a baby, but narrowly avoided it.

I was a terrible birth, and so was My Sister, Eighteen years earlier… Yes, Eighteen!

Late in the year, in the spring of 1965, Mum went into labour, and back in those days if you needed sedation, it was ether, a nasty chemical which made patients, and staff, sick.

So I was pulled out gently with forceps and Mum spent hours in recovery, feeling completely rotten, and when the room stopped spinning and she felt better, all She wanted was to get home to her own bed.

A story She told me on each and every birthday.

Apparently when She was about to leave for home, Dad piped up with “Has he been… done?” Mum lied and said yes, anything to get home, She didn’t want to be in the hospital a minute longer.

The funny thing was that apparently Dad was none the wiser, even when He bathed Me, which He took a certain pride in doing.

He’d scrub the devil out of us, it was no gentle rinse over with a sponge, but we were certainly clean.

Years later when I was about sixteen or so, either My Mum or Sister made a comment about circumcision, to the effect that I was still intact.

Dad turned to Me and asked quite seriously “Haven’t you been done?”

I was quite surprised.

I’d heard all the old arguments for getting it done, such as “Well it’s a hot country”. I sat and thought about this one and realised that it goes back to colonial days when it’s likely a lot of our ancestors may not have had a bath for weeks, but now once a day is quite normal.

It’s not hard to wash under the foreskin, I don’t see what the fuss is… We actually spend a lot more time, and money, brushing our teeth, but we don’t pull those out because “they might go bad”.

The mythology about the foreskin says “It’s just a bit of skin” so therefore, cutting it off isn’t going to hurt anything. But as an owner, I can tell your that it’s every bit the same, no really, the same as your eyelids… but without lashes.

If you run a finger over your eyelids, you’ll get almost an identical sensation to what you’d get on a foreskin, if you had one, it’s very sensitive.

And now a secret for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, I’m sure all us us with foreskin have done this at some time in our lives, just like all men have tucked their manhood between their legs and pretended they had a vagina.

If you grab your foreskin betwixt two or three fingers and seal it shut, then start to pee, the foreskin fills up, like a little balloon… well ok, no, it doesn’t stretch much, but it fills up… then we let it go and the pee goes WHOOSH down into the toilet.

Then we generally have a little smile to ourselves.

I don’t think you’ll read about this little joy anywhere online, so remember to thank me, won’t you?

Wolfie!

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