A little gardening.

You know when you go into a garden shop and look at all the packs of seeds?

Well, there’s a problem with them, not for the pro, but for the novice gardener who plans to strew the seeds in their garden and hope for the best.

The packs only show what the adult plant looks like, but not the seedling.

So a few weeks after scattering the seeds, the novice decides it’s time to do some more weeding as there’s lots of strange bits of green coming up, they rip it all out and wonder why they never have flowers.

Wolfie Rankin.

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The God Head

There’s a story about an American Man who was beaten by some thugs one night, and woke after days in hospital to find that he saw the beauty in complex equations, which previously, he had no no understanding.

Then the other, who I only vaguely recall, who was in a car accident, then later discovered that he had an ability to turn wood into incredible works of art.

I feel that I have something which might be like that.

I’m not sure how to classify Wolfie, initially I thought he was a spirit and sought some indication from Native American religions, though I didn’t go too deeply into it.

But these days I think he is more of a higher level of consciousness.

Wise and ancient, and all the little clichès, the core of Wolfie sits in his temple like a Hindu God, at least that’s how I see him, at least the truest form of what he is. 

Reflective, thoughtful, careful, patient, cheeky.

While I am liable to rush into something, Wolfie suggests in his own gentle way that perhaps I ought to relax and put more thought into it first. He’s very often right, I have saved myself time and money in taking his councel.

I know Wolfie is me, but there’s a problem, I feel that there is a separation between us which prevents me from reaching my full potential, some sort of barrier in my mind which I can neither identify, nor cross.

Years ago a musician, after hearing my story, suggested mushrooms, the kind not sold at Coles. He thought that a trip might connect the dots. While intrigued, nothing came of it. There is a frightening element to it, I’ve never taken drugs and I’ve never been drunk.

And yet, I still think about it, what if it’s the light at the end of the tunnel?

Hypnosis is another consideration, would it help me connect without the use of drugs, can I even be hypnotised anyway?

Once in a while I’ve had dreams where I felt close to getting somewhere, only for the dream to change, or me to wake too soon.

Somewhere in my head I am chained up, and it manifests in my life, where I am stuck at home, in this life, unable to take the road out of here.

But how I’ll get from here to there, I don’t know.

Wolfie Rankin.

Still shy, but not as shy as I used to be.

Trust me when I say that you can talk to anyone, or at least try.

As a kid, I wouldn’t have said boo to anyone I admired, I would have dearly loved to ask questions, to be involved in the conversation, but would worry about what others would think if I spoke up.

What I realised later is that we’re all people, and we’ve all been through shit. Regardless of whatever it is that we’re known for.

I have a friend called Jenny who’s heavily involved in the Doctor Who fandom, although she’s very shy, and openly admits to it, She is dearly loved by the community and cast members alike, and has the potential in herself to manage a convention if the opportunity arose.

OK, I confess that it’s much harder in person than online, but we can still be a bit shy online too, especially when it comes to those we admire.

Nile Rodgers once wrote back and told me that he enjoys chatting to me as I always talk straight with him, which really is the secret. Talk about things we have in common. 

We all have things in common, most of us have pets, most of us have bodies which do weird things, we all have shared interests.

Open yourself up to talking about those things, as long as it’s a kind and respectful thought, you have nothing to lose.

Wolfie Rankin

Figuring it out.

I often use this blog as a way of figuring things out, and I suppose I could forget too.

When I was still doing radio, as in being a DJ at our local station, I was aware that I was not as healthy as I used to be.

I was frequently tired, and a lot of food didn’t sit well once eaten.

Mum had once found a shop where the owner made fresh chicken and pasta salad, she bought some for me and it didn’t react poorly, so I tried to get it as much as I could after that.

It occurs to me that the auto immune disease I didn’t know I had was playing havoc with me all the way back then, and possibly even as early as my days at high school.

There were often these unexplainable off days.

I began having panic attacks, but now I think part if what was going on was I felt sick, thought I was going to pass out, and was frightened by it so would begin to panic. but that wasn’t always it either, there were places where I simply couldn’t go.

To this day, trains are still something I cannot deal with, and yet I used to love train travel.

So, I was treated for agoraphobia, fear of being out in the open. But the drugs just made me sleepy.

I spent about two straight years inside my house, it was frustrating, I couldn’t help Mum with the shopping, I couldn’t drive, I was stuck.

When I recovered I went to the hairdresser who was surprised at the length of my hair, and clipped it off for me.

I needed to be with one of my parents at all times, Marko was great support too. Later I found that if I was with my dog, he or she was enough.

After Dad died we couldn’t shop for anything other than food, as we couldn’t get to shops that sold clothing, so we made do for years.

On the few occasions Marko visited, we went places where I could get a few items, and that helped a lot.

When Mum died, my Sister and Cousin came and helped me clean up. Marko came too.

Jan and Yvonne took my laundry and washed it, and joked about the holes in my singlets which were really only good as rags, oddly I had not noticed.

Not long after, the local Coles began to sell Singlets, Socks and Undies, so finally I could replenish my supply. I don’t want to be that low on clothes again, so every time they’re on special, I grab something.

I had become aware of shopping online, but could not buy anything as I lacked a credit card, and credit card companies would not let me have one.

Then a friend told me about debit cards, I got one, and could finally order things that way.

And yet, didn’t buy clothes!

I suppose I didn’t know much about local shops having websites where I could order things.

But lately have been buying clothes like mad, perhaps in one way fearful of going back to wearing things which were almost completely worn out.

Mum used to dress me well, and I’ve missed having good clothes, I’ve missed looking as good as I did back then.

Pondering

So, Why does society sometimes hate gay people?

Who taught society that being gay was a perversion?

What’s wrong with consensual sex anyway?

Tom’s considered a good lad, works hard, goes to Church on Sunday. Drops a gold coin in the collection plate. So does Mary, who Tom fancies. 

The two marry, they have two kids, the kids put two gold coins in the collection plate, as do the neighbours kids, and all the others.

It’s nice to get all that money.

Probably good to protect that income by scaring people into thinking that anything other than straight sex is wrong, that people are perverted, create laws against it, brand gays as criminals.

I think it was a plan that worked back in the 50s, but probably not as much now, at least I’d like to think so.

But I know the poisoned meme is still floating about.

Manners

You know how you have a plant, let’s assume it’s Strawberry for arguments sake.

Now you could call the plant by it’s common name: Strawberry, or if you’re so inclined, you could go a bit fancy and call it by its botanical name, which happens to be Fragaria Ananassa.

Likewise you can have Manners or if you want to be fancy, Political Correctness.

And so I ask, What’s wrong with Manners?

If you see a bloke coming towards you, you say hello, you might even stop for a chat. If you don’t like them then you go about your business, if you do then you’ve made a friend, which is a win in my book.

No need to be nasty, ruins the day.

So when people say they’re against the PC brigade, I truly wonder why they want to wallow in misery when their lives could be loads better, brighter, much more cheerful?

Peace to you all, have a nice day.

In the pink.

My desire for a pair of jeans which were not the usual colours, was thwarted. When I found two wonderful pairs at ASOS, which had sold out.

The first, Tommy 90s jeans in yellow, which I thought looked brilliant, had almost completely been snapped up, and my size was completely out of stock.

The second, Weekday jeans in pink. A similar story.

It makes me wonder if others are crying out for jeans in better colours.

However, for two weeks or more I routinely logged in and had a look, in case the shop had been restocked. Then finally, one Sunday evening, I was surprised to find that ASOS had one pair of the pink Weekday jeans.

I grabbed those pants (not by the pussy).

Well, They fit wonderfully. They are a loose fitting style, so they’re very comfortable to wear. I’m not fond of skinny jeans, I prefer a bit of leg room.

But the colour is strange, under most lighting they almost look like a light golden yellow, but they are pink. I’ve had to look a few times just to be sure. But either colour is welcome and I like the novelty of it.

Unlike purely white jeans, they had a softer, warmer and more cheerful look to them, I wore them with a pink jumper and white denim jacket. I must’ve stood out like a lighthouse when I went shopping earlier today.

Now Women complain about lack of pockets, but is it just me or are Men’s pockets not as deep as they used to be? I’d like something that could swallow my phone, is that too much to ask? Though happily the inside pocket of my jacket took care of that much.

Difficult to come by now, but a few remain in specific sizes of both jeans, so you might be lucky.

Sadly I cannot review the Tommy Jeans, but I’m very pleased with these.

Pictured:

Tommy Jeans 90s Straight Fit Jeans in Lemon Meringue.

Weekday Vacant Loose Fit Rigid Jeans in Pink Wash.