Small act of rebellion.

10 03 2018

School and I were like oil and water, I despised the experience. 

Although I agree that education is important, I felt it turned students into topiary rather than allow natural talents to bubble up.

And I never liked sports.

It is said that Australians live for sport, to me, nothing could be further from the truth, and the attempt made of forcing it down my throat only made me hate it more.

I would have rather sat comfortably somewhere and read an interesting book, non fiction, something about nature, or how things work.

I never bought my uniform to PE, and so, couldn’t join in.


But for some reason I had Sneakers in my bag a few times, I’m not really sure why, we called them Runners back then, when we sounded more Australian.

Australian High School Students wear a uniform, ours was a grey shirts, slate grey pants and a navy blue jumper… And black shoes.

One day in a Maths class, for some strange reason, I wanted to put my Runners on. Many of the People I liked on TV wore them, a lot of pop stars did, and some of the students at the school wore them instead of the ones that they should be wearing.

So, I quietly changed my shoes.

It felt as though one of my bonds had been broken, it felt wonderful.

And I have never worn black leather shoes since.

Wolfie Rankin.


Life goes on.

10 03 2018

Many of you know how big a skeptic I am.

I’m not one for conspiracy theories, dick lengthening pills, or nutty right wing theories.

I have no time for religion.

But in the 90s I was a new age, crystal wearing hippy, who was into meridians and C’hi maaan.

I did shiatsu massage and I’m a Reiki level II.

Peace, love and mung beans, baby!

But I got over most of that, at least in whether it could heal, leave that to doctors. It can however give a person half an hour of sleep, and frankly I don’t see anything wrong with a person who needs sleep, getting some.

So while I’m learning, there was this flakey story about how spirit guides come to assist, yeah well, gnomes and unicorns might appear too, who knows?

So I’m massaging my Dad who didn’t have long to live sadly enough, on the floor of our loungeroom, he was laying on a futon and I’m getting these weird ideas.

I tell Dad that Billy is here, A friend of his who I barely knew. I went to his house once, he was an old chap who collected trains.

No explanation of why, tgat I can remember.

Billy had died years earlier.

So I looked up after finishing with Dad and here’s this human form sitting on the couch, now it was about four or five in the evening, maybe a bit later, but it was still light outside, this isn’t some creepy old ghost story that took place at the stroke of midnight.

Nor was I freaked out.

You’re probably imagining a see through person with floating hair, but no, nothing like that.

Imagine a four foot version of the Men’s toilet graphic, ball for a head, simple arms and shoulders, in fact I’m not sure if I could distinguish arms from the torso.

Now imagine you’re using photoshop, applied a white shape to your image and cranked transparency almost all the way up until you have a watermark you can barely see.

That was it, it didn’t move, and I sat beside it and examined it. 

The little being was in 3D like anyone else would be.

Dad said he could see it, but when Mum came to the door clutching her dressing gown to her throat, she said she couldn’t, but the idea seemed to frighten her.

Dad and I were pleased with our visitor though, there was nothing frightening about it at all.

After a while I went into my parents room to watch whatever was on telly with them, occasionally checking on our little guest.

It sat there for about twenty minutes.

Then I checked later and it was gone.

No, I didn’t take a photo, it was the 90s, digital cameras were new and I didn’t own one. I may have had film in my camera but never thought about it.

I don’t really know what it was to be honest, But I still wonder about it now and then. 

Billy? He was a lot taller than that the last time I saw him.

Wolfie Rankin.

Community Wolf

9 03 2018

Over the summer I had the sense that something was wrong, of course things were wrong, my health, my home, the state of the Planet, Politics…

I suppose I didn’t count the possible loss of a best friend.

Marko wasn’t a pushy person, he didn’t grab my by the collar and drag me into whatever he was into, but now and then there was gentle encouragement, Marko would have made a good counselor now that I think of it.

I’ve been here so long, on my own, because of my wonky health, because I’m an introvert. But there is also a sense of rotting away like my rotting house.

I know this is awful, but I’m almost envious of Marko, He’s gone, He doesn’t have to put up with any bullshit anymore, and I’ve been so entirely over the bullshit for years.

But perhaps I’m over the rotting too, this clandestine hope that I might simply wake up dead one morning and think it’s Christmas, Though I’d be worried sick about my dog, who’d take care of her?

Sick and dead, at the same time, worries too, shaking in a hessian bag, six foot under my garden. (not murdered, just cheap)

Well sitting around and rotting isn’t working too well for me, and it’s as dull as fuck, what a strange saying, fuck is anything but dull.

And without Marko’s support, what am I to do?

I have denied that I am a Furry, but the Furry umbrella is huge and doesn’t mind keeping the rain off poor fifty two year old lycanthropes.

I am alone in this World, at least it feels that way, I wish I had been closer to Marko, Why couldn’t I have just moved away from here and leave the ghosts of the past, to the past?

My life is as blocked up as my non working sewer, I’m drowning in a past life which turned up its toes years ago.

I need a community, I need to be involved.

Marko taught me that, I’m just so damn annoyed with myself that I only recognise that now.

But yes, I was sick, I still am, and yes I am an introvert, I have panic attacks when I’m in a crowd… but then don’t other Furries feel that too? Isn’t it bought out by the internal knowledge that we are different, and despite what the World says, We will never be Normal?

Who needs to be Normal? That’s a damn cowardly thing to be, isn’t it?

I have been content to lead a virtual life online, I am well known, and loved from a distance, but I need to be in the thick of things like Marko was.

I need compassion, I need people to look out for me, To check on me and see if I’m ok.

Should I continue on this current course, I will die on a toilet seat at home and won’t be found for days, the idea frightens me, being sick, dead and alone too.

Marko took me to the Melbourne Furry Convention twice and I was a fish out of water, while for him it was his life blood, I’ve been trying to work out why that was, and now I know.

Marko knew everyone, while I only knew two people, I probably knew a lot more but they didn’t look like their Twitter avatars.

I don’t want to die on my toilet seat, I want to die on a toilet seat in some strange place, after doing something that would give a religious freak a heart attack.

Will you take in this old Wolf and help him get around?

Wolfie Rankin



So, What was it exactly?

8 03 2018

Some of you have wondered what took Marko from us, and have been content with being told that it was Leukaemia or Cancer.

But it was more accurately called Myelodysplastic syndrome or MDS.

Bone marrow makes blood, it’s born there, matures and then sends the mature cells out to do all the jobs that adult blood cells need to do. but in this case the process is upset, as immature cells are released instead.

These cells cannot do the work, and simply die.

And of course we cannot function without blood.

While the disease isn’t leukaemia, it can become leukaemia down the track.

Here’s a link for further reading.

Wolfie Rankin

Losing You

8 03 2018

I’ve always had the impression that if Marko were to die, that more people would grieve for him than any of us might imagine, as he was so well known, and so universally loved.

I watched the outpouring of love for him on social media yesterday, and I grieve with you.

Grief is what I wanted to talk about, some of you, like myself, have encountered it often, but there might be a few lucky enough to have not had their lives harmed by it, yet.

We take our cues from Hollywood, Someone dies and we cry, it’s expected of us, but it’s not necessarily what happens in life.

I am surprised by my own reaction after the death of Marko.

He and I were very close friends, He had slept in my house several times, always visited when he was in town, flew down to me when Mum died just to support me.

I consider myself extremely fortunate to have been his friend.

When My Father was dying, He was in hospital being eaten away by cancer. He was an enormous bull of a man, and the cancer rendered him skeletal.

He had become a frightened little boy, and I felt entirely useless. I wanted to fight the cancer directly, to rescue him from the threat, but could not.

And So I found tears coming freely as I sat with him in Hospital.

He was half sedated, and not entirely sure of where he was, but at least he knew we were there, which was enough I suppose.

I remember him turning up at 2am, having left the hospital to be with us, sleeping in pain all night.

Laying in bed, in hospital, is much harder than it seems. You’re worried, sick or in pain, you don’t know what time it is, you’re doped to the eyeballs and totally bored.

Dad returned to hospital the next day.

I remember the smells, they say dogs can smell cancer, no… everyone can smell it. it lingers in the air, a sort of mushroomy mustiness, you never forget it.

After Dad died, there were few tears, mostly just a numbness.

It appears I have experienced similar with the loss of Marko, I mourned for him before he died, mostly because he was suffering and I hated that he was.

When he died, there was relief mixed with sadness and a feeling of being defeated.

But last night, everything was inexplicably hilarious.

I was laughing at silly things I saw online and filling my facebook with humour, and thinking that I shouldn’t be feeling like this, that it was wrong, even a sin of some kind.

One of my best friends had just died, what if he was to walk in and see me laughing like nothing had happened.

Of course it’s just a Facade, isn’t it?

If Marko and I would have been together, we would have laughed a lot.

Marko wasn’t so much a joker, but he was a funny character himself which probably made him all the more adorable to us. When he got a joke and the bliss would spread across his face, and he’d try to smother a laugh as though it was naughty, but would let it out anyway.

And I noted how he spoke like Dr Karl, the rhythm of his words, usually when he was pointing out something important, was a close match.

As I write this I’m feeling fine, but not in a good way.

I’m aware of the hollow feeling in my belly and the slight shake in my arms.

Grief is a devious thing, it catches us off guard.

Yes we may get through days or weeks, but it hits us when we least expect it.

A dear friend had lost her Mum years earlier and thought that she was over it, but walked into a shop where the smell of her Mother’s perfume hung in the air, and she lost it right there.

I have been out in public, walking along a street on a lovely summer day and a freight train of grief hits me for no real reason at all.

So I’m fully prepared for it.

I know you’re grieving in your own way, especially those of you who were bonded with Marko, or lived alongside him each day.

Those of us who knew him were fortunate to have him as a friend.

If any of you feel the need to talk, I can be contacted easily enough, and if your grief is too hard to cope with, please seek help.

I have friends checking on me to see if I’m ok and I am grateful to all of you.

Love and Peace to All of you.

Wolfie Rankin.

Real Unreal

24 02 2018

The idea that we are brains in jars isn’t far from the truth as concepts go.

In fact we are experiments in a kind of lab, and the experimenters are ourselves.

We subject ourselves to daily unrealities in order to see what we can cope with.

None of that which we see in waking life is any more real than the dream we had the night before, only more ordered.

The unreality is a shared experience, here you are reading this, a generated being, reading the thoughts of another generated being supposedly far away, but probably sharing the same physical space.

At times, the unreal space begins to break down, generally if the being has not slept much, causing hallucinations, which is where unreal space cracks to reveal portions of something we cannot readily identify.

Sleeping re-charges the unreal world, it becomes clear to us again, though in our natural state we had no need for sleep at all.

We are kept, stored, controlled.

But by whom? and for what purpose?

Wolfie Rankin

The thunder down under.

14 02 2018

Every once in a while I get a bit down about how the future turned out and look at videos of cattle.

See, Dad and I, as I’ve mentioned in the past, would often dream of having a hobby farm with a few cows and chooks… And a big, sexy bull in the paddock which we hoped would help keep the ratbags out as well as simply being an amazing pet.

The practicality of owning cattle is another thing entirely, but fantasies are lovely anyway.

Still, I read a lot about cattle and went to see them paraded around the ring at the local show. I’m reasonably good at naming a breed on sight and seem to have the knack of picking the winner before they’re chosen.

I thought I knew pretty much everything, but recently came (pardon the pun) across a thing which has been done for years in cattle breeding which I had no idea about.

If you’re a delicate flower who’s virgin eyes will be ruined by the information that you’re about to receive, then run and watch a nice Disney movie on Netflix and pretend the world is all fairy floss and lollypops.

However if sex, writ large as life, interests and excites you, then lean in closer.

What I had been familiar with was bulls mounting cows in spring, or having them mount another bull and having their semen collected in an artificial vagina, a sort of Fleshlight for bulls.


A bull goes into a crush, has his balls examined, his arse palpated… A fancy word for fisted, and then a probe is inserted, a monster of a thing, and it’s ELECTRIC!

It’s hooked up to an electronic device called an Electro Ejaculator, which slowly ramps up the charge until the bull can’t help but come into a tube geld by the vet.

Once the sample has been taken, the machine is switched off and the bull is let out to wonder what just happened to him.

And I know what you’re thinking, can it be used on Men.


You can buy a probe and the required electronics from various sex shops if that’s your bag, but there is also a serious medical version which is used on Men who may have either had cancer, or suffered a spinal injury which makes ejaculation impossible. It might be the only way that he can father a child.

So how was this discovered anyway?

If you’re thinking that a farmer thought “Hrmm I need some bull come, I’ll just shove this electric probe up my bull and…” Well no.

It has quite a morbid history, apparently Men who had been sent to the electric chair to be executed, had ejaculated before death!

Fortunately the voltages used on males of all species are much kinder, everyone lives to tell the tale.

And of course we’ve all heard amusing stories about Aliens snatching people away and probing their behinds, but as this isn’t a conspiracy page, I’ll skip it.

Wolfie Rankin.